Harmless Jokes

DANGER: new viruses discovered!:
Congressional Virus v
2.0: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
Tipper Gore Virus: When you attempt to play any sound file, it pops up a warning window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable for children.
Government Ecomomist Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
New World Order Virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Warren Commission Virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.
David Duke Virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
Pat Buchanan Virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.
Texas Virus: Makes sure it's bigger than any other file.
Adam And Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Warren Beatty Virus: Constantly tries to prove it's virility by attaching itself to younger or newer more...

DANGER: new viruses discovered!:Congressional Virus v2.0: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.Tipper Gore Virus: When you attempt to play any sound file, it pops up a warning window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable for children.Government Ecomomist Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.New World Order Virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.Warren Commission Virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.David Duke Virus: Makes your screen go completely white.Pat Buchanan Virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.Texas Virus: Makes sure it's bigger than any other file.Adam And Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.Warren Beatty Virus: Constantly tries to prove it's virility by attaching itself to younger or newer files.Airline Virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in more...

OBOE: This weapon may appear harmless at first sight. The instrument's stealth qualities lure its intended victims into a false state of security, and then hit them without mercy. The oboe itself is a harmless composite or wooden conical tube. Once the ordnance (reed) is inserted, it is a weapon of tremendous power. One comforting factor is that the oboe is only as dangerous as the musician who wields it. At first glance, the operator of the oboe appears sweet, demure, and quite approachable. Do not be fooled by this deception. The oboist is actually a very high strung and temperamental foe. This mania is caused by the perpetual search for the perfect reed, which we all know doesn't exist. Those who play on plastic reeds are the bottom dwellers of the oboe world and are especially dangerous. The oboe is capable of producing a tone of laser-like quality. The sheer capabilities of volume produced can overpower an entire concert band.
The resulting backpressure produced by over more...

At first, you think the Harmless Weirdo is adorably eccentric, offbeat, and intelligent-an iconoclast, really. Yes, he has a few unusual quirks and mannerisms, but he's no boring, cookie-cutter frat boy. In short, he's totally unlike any other man you've ever dated, which strikes you as a good thing.
Your view changes, radically, the evening you proudly introduce him to your friends. In front of everyone you know, your new suitor relates an anecdote about a bus trip he once took that goes on forever and has no apparent pont. THen, when the conversation turns to politics, he hijacks it, launching into a long, unstoppable tirade about the unacknowledged link between diet soda and brain damage. In a moment of sickening clarity, you become aware that you are dating a deeply odd individual. He's the nerd from chemistry class, traveling incognito thanks to a pair of chinos from the GAP.
Moments after this revelation, you put dumping him on the top of your to-do list. But the more...

A woman went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doctor, something must be done about my husband."
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"He thinks he's a refrigerator!" the woman said.
"I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replied. "There are many people who have harmless delusions. It will pass."
"But you don't understand, doctor," insisted the woman. "He always sleeps with his mouth open and the little light keeps me awake."