Wear Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why does Bill Clinton wear women's underwear on his arm?
Because he is trying to quit.
10. You cry for your mother. 9. You cross the street without looking for cars. 8. Snack time is a necessity. 7. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like because everyone else looks as stupid as you do6. You stay at home and play games with your friends. 5. You wear your backpack on both shoulders. 4. You wear big mittens. 3. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity. 2. You take naps. 1. You look forward to grilled cheese sandwiches.
Our Pastor likes to use humorous stories to underline points in his sermon. This one was so good that most of us missed the rest of the sermon because we were writing it down.
It's a couple of days before a big wedding. The Bride comes up with some bad news for her mother: she's found out that the young Step-Mother of the Groom has bought the exact same dress to wear to the Wedding that she (the mother of the Bride) is planning to wear.
The Bride's Mother tells her not to worry because she will just go and buy another dress to wear to the ceremony.
"But mother," asks the Bride, "What will you do with the dress that you've already bought?"
"Well," says mom, "I'll just wear it to the rehearsal dinner."
Facts About Women
Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".
Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when
there's a spider or a wasp involved.
Women can't keep more...
Good girls say " thanks for a wonderful dinner"... Bad girls say, " what's for breakfast?" Good girls never go after another girl's man... Bad girls go after him AND his brother. Good girls wear white cotton pantiesBad girls don't wear any. Good girls wax their floors... Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hotBad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls make chicken for dinner... Bad girls make reservationsGood girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies... Bad girls know they could do betterGood girls never consider sleeping with the boss... Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich. Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls... Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls... Good girls love Italian food... Bad girls love Italian waiters.
Follow them everywhere.
Moo when they say your name.
Pretend to have amnesia.
Say everything backwards.
Give yourself a swirly.
Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling, "The sun!!! It's dying!!!"
Run into walls.
Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house in your underwear (or naked for that matter).
Have nervous breakdowns at spontaneous times.
Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
Pretend to worship the devil.
Stand over them at 4 in the morning with a HUGE grin on your face and yell, "Good morning sunshine!!!"
Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.
Run in circles.
Recite a whole movie 3 times.
Pretend to beat yourself up.
Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA!!!"
Slither everywhere.
Wear a sticker that says, "i'm a retard!!!"
Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist... tell them you're making a more...