Weigh Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little girl and her mother were shopping. The girl asks her mother "How old are you?" Mommy says "Honey, women don't talk about their age, you'll learn later on in life."The girl then asks, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Mommy says, That's another thing women don't talk about, you'll find out when you are grown up."The girl still wanting to know about her mother asks, "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?" Mommy says, "Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."The little girl is frustrated. She tells her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's drivers license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything."The little girl and her mother are shopping again. The girl says, "Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 32 years old." Her mommy is very shocked! She asks more...

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
"Wow! Twenty pounds!" exclaimed many at the bar as they congratulated the proud father.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? Didn't he weigh twenty pounds at birth?"
The proud Texas father said, "Yup. .. just had him circumcised!"

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
"Wow! Twenty pounds!" exclaimed many at the bar as they congratulated the proud father.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? Didn't he weigh twenty pounds at birth?"
The proud Texas father said, "Yup...just had him circumcised!"

A single mother and her little girl were out and about, doing those family errands one must contstantly do, when the girl out of the blue, asked her mother,' Mommy, How old are you?'

The mother responded,' Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.

The girl then asked,' Mommy, how much do you weigh?'

Her mother responded again,' That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up.'

The little girl, still in her inquisitive child mood, fires off another question:' Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded,' Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now.'

The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says,' All you have to do more...

(This one was on the radio this morning. I didn't hear who
the originator was, so I can't give credit where it's due.)
So this guy wants to have a luau.
He needs a pig for a luau, so he goes to a pig farm.
He asks the farmer for a twenty-pound pig.
The farmer goes into the pen, searches around awhile.
He picks up a pig, puts the tail in his mouth, and begins
swinging the pig around for a few seconds.
He puts the pig down, and says, "Nope, not quite twenty pounds."
He picks up another, puts the tail in his mouth, swings
the pig around awhile, and declares, "This one's twenty pounds!"
He brings the pig out, and the man says in a shocked tone,
"You can't weigh a pig like that!"
"Sure I can," said the farmer, "Watch this."
He called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig.
The boy came over, picked up the pig, put its tail in his mouth,
and swung it around more...

Mike Mooney, a Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a pig. He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to buy a 100 pound pig. The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with his teeth. The farmer said, "This one will go a little over a 100". Astonished the Yankee said, "Who are you trying to fool? You can't weigh a pig that way". The farmer laughed and called to his young son, "Boy, come over here and weigh that pig for this man". The boy obliged by bending over and picking up the pig by its tail with his teeth. Turning to his father the boy said, " This here pig weighs about 100 pounds". The Yankee was having no part of this so in order to convince him the farmer told his son to go to the house and get his mother so she could weigh the pig. After a short delay the son returned and said, "Ma says she will be right down after she's finished weighing the more...