Weigh Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds. Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Arent you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?""Yup, shore am!""How much does he weigh now?"The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"

This nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight and she looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So she thought to herself I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me.
So she went over to the machine and she put her nickel in and card came out and it said, You're a nun you weigh 128lbs and you're going to Chicago Illinois. So she sat back down and thought about it, she thought to herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, I'm going try it again.
So she went over to the machine again and put her nickel in it, a card came out and said, you're a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you're going to Chicago Ill. and you're going to play a fiddle. She said to herself I know that's wrong I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life. She sat back down and this cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down. She picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music. She looked more...

One day Johnnie goes up to his mother and asks:"Mom, how old are you?"
Mom: "That's a personal question. You don't ask those kinds of personal questions to women."
"How much do you weigh?"
Mom: "You're too young to understand that you don't ask those kind of questions to women."
"Why did Dad leave us?"
Mom: "You're too young to understand that too, I'll tell you when you're older"
So Johnnie goes back to school and tells his friend: "My mom doesn't want to tell me how old she is or what she weighs. She doesn't answer any of my questions"
His friend replies: "You should go into her purse and look at her driver's license. All your questions will be answerd.
Johnnie goes back home and look into his mom's purse and looks at her driver's license and goes to his mom:
"Mom, you're 39 years old."
Mom: "Yeah that's right I am."
"And you weigh 55 more...

Two young boys were discussing their parents, when one realized he really knew very little about his mother. Arriving home that evening, he began to interrogate her.
"How old are you, Mom?" he asked.
"None of your business," replied his mother.
"Okay, then how much do you weigh?"
"That's none of your business either, young man," she said.
The boy thought for a minute, then delivered his final bombshell. "Well then, can you tell me why you and daddy got divorced?"
Shocked and appalled, mom sent him to bed without supper.
The next day, the kid reported his failure to his friend. "I know!" said his buddy. "Just look at her driver's license in her purse. It'll tell you everything you want to know."
Later that day, mom found her son next to her disemboweled purse, holding her driver's license. "Just what the heck do you think you are doing?" she snapped.
"Well, you more...

A little girl and her mother were out and about when, out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your more...

A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your more...

A little girl and her mother were shopping.

The girl asks her mother "How old are you?"

Mommy says, "Honey, women don't talk about their age, you'll learn later on in life."

The girl then asks, "Mommy. How much do you weigh?"

Mommy says, "That's another thing women don't talk about, you'll find out when you grown up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother asks, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

Mommy says, "Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl is frustrated. She tells her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's drivers license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything."

So little Mary does as her friend recommended. That night she sneaks into more...