Weight Jokes / Recent Jokes

Calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.Beating around the bush.................75
Jumping to conclusions.................100
Climbing the walls.....................150
Swallowing your pride...................50
Passing the buck........................25
Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight)...50-300
Dragging your heels....................100
Pushing your luck......................250
Making mountains out of molehills......500
Hitting the nail on the head............50
Wading through paperwork...............300
Bending over backwards..................75
Jumping on the bandwagon...............200
Balancing the books.....................25
Running around in circles..............350
Eating crow............................225
Tooting your own horn...................25
Climbing the ladder of more...

Santa Singh wanted to lose weight desperately and so he consulted a doctor. The doctor told him that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would lose 34 kilos.
Santa followed the doctors advice and at the end of 300 days, he called the doctor to report that he had actually lost the weight, but had a problem. Whats the problem, asked the doctor?
I am 2400 kilometers away from home

A kid goes into his mom? s room and finds her jumping vigorously on top of his dad.
He asks:"What are you doing to dad, mom?" She says:"I'm helping him exercise to lose weight!"
"Oh mom, that is worthless you jump on top of him to make him skinnier and our neighbor comes in everyday when you leave and blows him back up with her mouth."

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair. He needs to go on a business trip for several days, so he decides to set a trap for her. He puts a bowl of milk under the bed. From the bed springs, he suspends a spoon. He has it calibrated so that her weight on the bed will not drop the spoon into the milk. But, if there is any more weight than that, the spoon will drop into the milk and he will detect it upon his return home.

He comes home several days later. The first thing he does is reaches under the bed and retrieves the bowl. The bowl is full of butter.

This is the best that can happen to all you chubby guys... a good one.. please read on..... hahaha
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A chubby guy was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a "Guaranteed" weight loss program. "Guaranteed like heck" he thinks to himself. "But let's see what they think they can do. He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3-day, 10-pound weight loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19-year-old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike's and a signhanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Well, without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally more...

Allen took his blind date to the carnival. ‘What would you like to do first, Sandra? ’ asked Allen.
‘I want to get weighed, ’ said Sandra.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel.
When the ride was over, Allen again asked Sandra what she would like to do.
‘I want to get weighed, ’ she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went.
Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Allen lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
‘I want to get weighed, ’ she responded.
By this time, Allen figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, ‘How did it go? ’
Sandra responded, ‘Oh, Waura, it was wousy. ’

Weight ControlHere's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories perhour they consume. Beating around the bush.. . . . . . . . 75Jumping to conclusions. . . . . . . . 100Climbing the walls. . . . . . . . . . 150Swallowing your pride.. . . . . . . . . 50Passing the buck. . . . . . . . . . . . 25Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight).. . . 50-300Dragging your heels.. . . . . . . . . 100Pushing your luck.. . . . . . . . . . 250Making mountains out of molehills.. . 500Hitting the nail on the head. . . . . . 50Wading through paperwork. . . . . . . 300Bending over backwards. . . . . . . . 75Jumping on the bandwagon. . . . . . . 200Balancing the books.. . . . . . . . . . 25Running around in circles.. . . . . . 350Eating crow.. . . . . . . . . . . . . 225Tooting your own horn.. . . . . . . . . 25Climbing the ladder of success. . . . 750Pulling out the stops.. . . . . . . . . 75Adding fuel to the fire.. . . . . . . 160Wrapping it up at the day's end.. . . more...