Weird Jokes / Recent Jokes
I carry a picture around with me, that of me fucking the CEO of Capital One in the ass, just like he's done to me all these years.
What's in your wallet?
Police refused to accept his "Get out of jail free" card.
In an odd bit of news, a woman in China has a 5-inch horn growing out of her forehead. When hearing this story Bill Clinton said he was suprised cause he thought Hillary was the only one who could grow horns out of her head.
I still remember my first day atKingstonElementary School. Being new to the school, I didn’t knowanybody, so I was nervous going in the first day. I hoped for the best, but unfortunately itdidn’t go that way. The minute I walkedinto my 3rd grade classroom, all the kids started pointing at me andlaughing. One kid made fun of my NinjaTurtles backpack, while another kid grabbed my lunchbox and threw it across theroom. They were so mean that I startedto cry and ran down to the principal’s office. I told him what happened and he offered to take me back to class, whichcalmed me down a bit. But then I startedballing again when he told me I might not be cut out for teaching.
...Ken Repke was charged with assault for slugging a woman in the head because she refused to sell him Boardwalk & Park Place during a game of Monopoly. Repke was arrested, handcuffed, and taken directly to jail without passing Go & collecting $200.
Thanks to the BP oil spill in the Gulf, fish oil capsule supplements will now come in 3 sizes. 500mg, 1000 mg, and 10-W-30.
Blonde's Dream
One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"