Weird Jokes / Recent Jokes
The dog was found by rangers and returned to its owner last week. Rangers said they found the dog living off feral goats on the largely uninhabited island. The overjoyed family stated, “this is so amazing, because we could never get her to eat goat at home."
A two year old Tennessee boy helped his mother deliver her fourth baby on their living room couch. When a reporter asked him if he'd been scared or nervous, the toddler replied, "Ha! No way; the last two were C-sections!"
Ever notice that most of these sheiks and clerics are either blind or missing an eye? This all goes back to the parents. When the clerics were children practicing bomb assembly, where were the parents to say, “Careful playing with that bomb, Nasser. It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.”
I have been hit hard by the recession and I am broke. I am so broke that I have broken into my emergency kit and am living off the coffee grinds and canned food. The entire time I am thinking, “Wow, thank God for PTSD, Crazy Uncle Ronnie, and tales of Vietnamese jungle survival.”
...Las Vegas continues to come up with interesting promotions in order to attract business. I stopped at a gas station next to a gentleman's club that advertised "Free Sex w/ Fill-up." I pulled up next to the pump, paid the attractive attendant, and was given a ticket that i could redeem around the back of the station. When I got there there was a big, burly, gnarly looking dude by the door. I asked him if he was the ticket taker and he replied, "No. I'm Philip."
I eat an awful lot of Chinese food for someone who's not Chinese. You seldom see Chinese people eating Jewish food. There's a huge trade inbalance there.
Chinese food is SO beautiful! Even the names are beautiful.
The other night I got a dish called "Seven Precious Treasures on a Bed of Jade".
I didn't know whether to eat it or sell it on ebay.
I was recently pursued by a lawyer. He would never call me, only email and text. Guess its because he wanted to leave a paper trail.