West Jokes / Recent Jokes
A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
What do West Virginians call a pretty woman? A tourist.
In the old west, a settler is watching an Indian meeting. There is an old woman sitting on a hippopotamus hide, and two younger women sitting on other types of pelts. Everybody seems to be listening to the old woman, but paying only half as much attention to the younger ones.
After a while the settler asks his Indian guide why the older woman is treated with so much more respect.
The guide answers, "The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides."
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb?
A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him
The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning.
"Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!"
"The cups man! Save the cups!" cries George.
"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they more...
A young West Virginian girl wanted to go to college at UVA. But her father said' No Way! You're going to By-God West Virginia Univ.'
Well she got her way and she went to UVA. The first semester went by, and she wrote home that she was getting married to a man from Richmond, VA named Clarence. Her father said' I'll be damned if my daughter is marrying a man from Richmond. You're marrying a By-God West Virginian boy.'
So he sent his two sons to UVA to get their sister. In a couple of days they returned. Dad said' Where is your sister?'
They replied' We were almost there Daddy, and we came up on this overpass that had this sign that read -' Clarence 13'6" - so we turned around and got the hell out of there!'
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the West Virginia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside West Virginia. If you have one of the West Virginia editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The West Virginia edtion may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as Four Wheel Drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
And instead of an error message, you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
Other features:
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes D shore
no = more...