Weve Jokes

Dick and Bob were on a hunting trip. At nightfall, Dick complained, Weve been hunting all day. Weve shot at five deer - and not hit one! OK. Lets miss two more and then head back to camp, said Bob.

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys."Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that weve got all the good players and the best coaches.""I know, and thats all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "Weve got all the umpires."

The producer of a low budget film is trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work by telling him the big names theyve gotten for the cast. "First of all," he tells him, "Weve got Gibson in the lead." The director is surprised, "You got Mel Gibson?" "Well, no," the Producer responds, "we got Marvin Gibson, hes a distant cousin who lives in Queens, but hes very up and coming. And besides, weve also got Redford." "You got Robert Redford?" the director asks. "No, we got Jeremy Redford, but hes very talented and has lots of acting experience from years of dinner theater. But," he says enthusiastically, " weve got Streisand and in a singing role." "Barbara Streisand?" he asks. "No, Elizabeth Streisand." The Producer responds. "But shes got a great voice. AND weve got Goulet." "You got Robert Goulet?" the director asks. "Yeah," the more...

An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He is met by St Peter who goes through the usual questionnaire. "What sort of accountant are you?" says St Peter"Public Practitioner," is the reply."Name?"He gives his name. St Peter goes through some files and pulls one out."Oh, yes. Weve been expecting you. Youve reached your allotted span," says St Peter."How can that be?" says the accountant. "Im too young to go. Im only forty-eight""No, thats impossible. ""Why do you say that?""Well weve been looking at your time sheets and the hours youve charged your clients. By our reckoning youre at least ninety three."

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance teams response times. Since we installed our new satellite navigation system, bragged one, weve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.

Not bad, the second paramedic commented. But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent.

Thats nothing said the third paramedic. Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, weve cut our emergency response time in half!