Whale Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two whales spot Japanese Whaler. First whale: That's the bastard who killed my folks -- lets drown them! Second Whale: "If they killed your folks let's do it!" First: "We'll dive down then surface and blow the ship over with our blow-holes". This they did but the sailors were still alive swimming for it. First: "Darn it! We'll have to swim up to them with our mouths open and swallow them all down!" Second: "No way! I don't mind the blow-job but I'm not swallowing the seamen!"

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, “Let’s both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. ” They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female “lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore. ”
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. “Look, ” she said, “I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen! ”

Two whales spot Japanese Whaler. First whale: That`s the bastard who killed my folks -- lets drown them! Second Whale: "If they killed your folks let`s do it!" First: "We`ll dive down then surface and blow the ship over with our blow-holes". This they did but the sailors were still alive swimming for it. First: "Darn it! We`ll have to swim up to them with our mouths open and swallow them all down!" Second: "No way! I don`t mind the blow-job but I`m not swallowing the seamen!"

There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so she did a lot of flying. Flying made her nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing. After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?" The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible." He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?" She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible." He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?" The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him." "What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically. "Then you can ask him." replied the lady.

Why is a sperm whale called a sperm whale?
Because a ''seaman'' discovered it.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small. The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

Two whales, a male and female, are swimming off the coast of Japan when the male whale looks up and sees the whaling ship that killed his father five years ago.
Excited at the opportunity to avenge his father's death, the male whale says to the female, "Let's go underneath the ship and blow air through our blow holes. That ought to knock their boat over, and make them think twice about killing innocent whales."
The female whale agrees, and the plan works perfectly.
Once the whaling ship has completely sunk, the male whale notices that most of the sailors are making their way back to the shore by either swimming or in lifeboats. Not willing to let them get away so easily, the male whale yells, "They're going to shore--Let's go gobble them up!"
Just then, the female whale becomes less cooperative: "HEY!," she says, "I agreed to the blow job, but there is NO WAY I'm swallowing seamen!"