Whip Jokes / Recent Jokes

A pakistani was sitting with an indian and malaysianin saudi arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a
Sudden saudi police entered and arrested them. But, as it was a nationalholiday, the sheikh decided they should be released after receiving20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh suddenly said:
“i allow each of you one wish before your whipping. ”
So the malaysian guy thought for a while and then
Said: “please tie a pillow to my back. ” This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The indian guy, watching the scene, said: “please fix two pillows on my back”. But even two pillows could only take 10
Lashes before the whip went through again. Sheikh turned to pakistani and said: “you are from a brother country, so you can have 2 wishes! ”
“thank you, most royal and merciful highness”, the pakistani replies.
“my first wish is: i would more...

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my more...

wo unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming." "Yes I do!" "Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?" "Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down." "Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?" "Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down." "Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?" "Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him." "Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?" "Well, then I pick up some of the shit more...

Two unemployed guys are talking and onne says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."
The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know anything about lion taming."
"Yes I do!"
"Well, OK, answere this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what are you going to do?"
"Well, then I take that big chair, they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."
"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with his big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"
"Well, then I take that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."
"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it into two? What you gonna do then?"
"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."
"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do more...

Banta: "I'm going to become a lion tamer."
Santa: "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."
Banta: "Yes I do!"
Santa: "Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"
Banta: "I'll take that big chair they all carry, and I'll stick it in his face until he backs down."
Santa: "Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"
Banta: "I'll take that whip they all carry, and I'll whip him and whip him until he backs down."
Santa: "Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"
Banta: "I'll take that gun they all carry, and shoot him."
Santa: "Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"
Banta: "I'll more...

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
"Are you ready for seconds yet?"
"It's a little dry. Do you still want to eat it?"
"Just wait your turn. You'll get some!"
"Don't play with your meat."
"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
"You still have a little bit on your chin."
"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
"How long will it take after you stick it in?"
"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of more...

There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.
He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence? He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: "CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN"