Windows95 Jokes

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEETS WINDOWS95 Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot: That's great Lou. What did you get? Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM. Abbot: That's terrific, Lou. Costello: But I don't know what any of it means! Abbot: You will in time. Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you. Abbot: Oh? Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert. Abbot: Well, I don't know- Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me. Abbot: Really? Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson. Abbot: O.K. Lou. What do you want to know? Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off. Abbot: That's true. Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do? Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then- Costello: No, I told you, I want to more...

Because that's how many minutes it will take to boot up! Because that's how many diskettes will come with the installation package. That's how many MEG of RAM you will need. That's how much space it will take up on your hard disk. Because that's the year they will ANNOUNCE the product. (delivering it is another issue!) That's how many pounds the manual will weigh. That's the number of bugs that will be discovered in the productin its first year. That's how many minutes you should expect to stay on "hold" when calling for support. That's how many million brain cells the average IS person will loose installing it on their network. That's the number of windows applications that will not work correctly without requiring an upgrade.

NORTH POLE (API) - Microsoft announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via sattelite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh.
The announcement also included a notice that beginning Jan 1, 1995, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This unprecedented move was facilitated by the recently aquired MS Court. Microsoft stated its commitment to "all who have made Christmas great," and vowed to "make licensing of the Christmas and Reindeer names available to all." It is believed that the guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween, will be very strict.


When asked "Why buy Christmas?" Bill Gates replied "Microsoft more...

The The number of people who believe it will ship on time.
The number floppies it will ship on.
The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.
The number of megabytes of hard disk space required.
The number of pages in the *EASY-INSTALL* version of the manual.
The percentage of existing windows programs that wont run in the new OS.
The number of minutes to install.
The number of calls to tech support before you can get it to run.
The number of people who will actually PAY for the upgrade.
The number Mhz required for the OS to run.
And now the #1 thing people think the 95 in Windows95 really stands for... (Drum roll please...)
The year it was *DUE* to ship.

Because that's how many minutes it will take to boot up!
Because that's how many diskettes will come with the installation package.
That's how many MEG of RAM you will need.
That's how much space it will take up on your hard disk.
Because that's the year they will ANNOUNCE the product. (delivering it is another issue!)
That's how many pounds the manual will weigh.
That's the number of bugs that will be discovered in the productin its first year.
That's how many minutes you should expect to stay on "hold" when calling for support.
That's how many million brain cells the average IS person will loose installing it on their network.
That's the number of windows applications that will not work correctly without requiring an upgrade.