Windshield Jokes / Recent Jokes

When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. You can be legally married by publicly introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times. It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers. It is illegal to milk another person's cow.It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer. The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.Abilene: more...

Alabama
*It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
*Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
*It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
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California
*Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
*Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
*Bathhouses are against the law. [Get the full text of this law.]
*It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
*Women may not drive in a house coat.
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Florida
*Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
*A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
*If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
*It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a more...

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form And then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never Let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some Actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance Engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak more...

A couple are driving along the freeway and the husband, who is driving, is complaining about everything. .. the heat, the long drive, the bad drivers, the country, etc. .. and his wife is getting tired of his depressing talk. So she says to him: "One more complaint and I'll cut your penis off with my pen-knife". About half an hour later, he starts complaining again, and before he could blink his wife pulls out her knife, slices the guy's dick off, and throws it out the window. Driving behind the couple's car is a family of three: husband, wife, and a 8 year old daughter. The penis lands on their car's windshield, and the father, in an absolute panic (as he doesn't want his daughter to see the penis), quickly turns on the windshield wipers (to get the dick off the windshield, and out of view of his daughter). The observant daughter asks: "Daddy, what was that?" Her father, still in a panic, says, "Oh it was only a..... uh........ butterfly"." Must've more...

A guy goes to see a psychiatrist.

He says, "Doc, I think I'm hung up on women's breasts."

The psychiatrist says, "We'll see. I'll give you a quick word-association test. I'll say something, and then you say the first thing that comes into your mind.

The doctor says, "2 Eggs."

The guy says, "Boobs."

The doctor says, "Orange."

The guy says, "Hooters."

The doctor says, "Grapefruit."

The guy says, "Jugs."

The doctor says, "Windshield wipers."

The guy says, "Knockers."

The psychiatrist says, "It's very obvious you have a problem. I mean, I can understand the egg, an orange, or even a grapefruit, but why would windshield wipers make you think of breasts?"

The guy says, "Are you kidding, Doc? First this one, then that one, then this one, then that more...