Wines Jokes / Recent Jokes

THREE righteous men - a Hindu, a Muslim and a Sikh happened to die suddenly and were presented before Dharamraj. Dharamraj was apologetic for having ended their lives abruptly. To make amends he offered to grant them whatever they had missed in life for one year before he consigned them to heaven or hell.
The Hindu spoke first:' Sire, I have been a strict vegetarian all my life. I would like to eat meat to my heart's content.'
'It shall be so/ replied Dharamraj and ordered his servants to feed him for a year with tandoori chicken, kababs and whatever other meat delicacies he wished.
Came the turn of the Muslim:' Sire, as a good Mussalman, I never tasted liquor. Please give me the best kind of wines and liquors for a year/
'It shall be so,' replied Dharamraj and ordered his servants to supply the man with vintage wines, premium Scotch and liquors for a year.
'And you Sardar Sahib, what would you like?'
'Sire, as a good Sikh I was forbidden to smoke. I more...

Three people had been sentenced to be put in jail for ten years, and they asked each one of them to say one thing that he wants to have with him in the chamber.
The first one said, "I want you to put 1 ton of steak with me," so they did and they locked the chamber; then the second one said, "I want a rack full with the best wines in the world," so they put it in his chamber and locked it; the third said, "I want 1000 packets of cigarettes," so they put it in the chamber and locked it.
After the ten years are over, they unlocked the first chamber, and the man came out with big belly and said, "That was delicious." Then they unlocked the second chamber, and the man came out and he can barely stand and said, "Those were the best wines that I have ever tasted." When they opened the third chamber, the man came out and said, "Matches, please"

1996 will be remembered for: "The introduction of' doggy bottles' for French diners so they can take the remainder of their Beaujolias home and not risk being over the drink-drive limit. The decision by Stockholm transport authorities to use cheap Spanish wine to power 82 of their buses. The marketing of genuine' Lesbian-produced' wine in Germany, guaranteed to be untouched by male hands. The recall of 30000 bottles of 1993 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild from America because protesters claimed the label - showing a delicate nude by the artist, Balthus - was' an enticement for child abuse'. And the invention in Japan of a woman's bra which features two little compartments for warming sake wine, one in each' cup'." "... Trolling the wine shelves in six countries this year, I have spotted absolutely genuine vintages labelled Chateau de Tremble, Buzbag, El Bollox, Coma, El Baterio, Latrun, Arses Rioja - you had a choice between white Arses, red Arses and rose Arses - and my more...

Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft.
You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. Please be aware that Nuevo California will more...

1996 will be remembered for:
"The introduction of 'doggy bottles' for French diners so they can take the remainder of their Beaujolias home and not risk being over the drink-drive limit.
The decision by Stockholm transport authorities to use cheap Spanish wine to power 82 of their buses.
The marketing of genuine 'Lesbian-produced' wine in Germany, guaranteed to be untouched by male hands.
The recall of 30000 bottles of 1993 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild from America because protesters claimed the label - showing a delicate nude by the artist, Balthus - was 'an enticement for child abuse'.
And the invention in Japan of a woman's bra which features two little compartments for warming sake wine, one in each 'cup'."
"...Trolling the wine shelves in six countries this year, I have spotted absolutely genuine vintages labelled Chateau de Tremble, Buzbag, El Bollox, Coma, El Baterio, Latrun, Arses Rioja - you had a choice between white Arses, red Arses and more...