Wire Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three guys go up to heaven at the same time, and the head angel says, "it's been a busy day, so i can only let one of you in. whoever has the best story gets to go in."
the first guy said,"i had been suspecting my wife has been cheating on me for the past year, so one day when i went up to the 25th story on our apartment (where I live) i heard her in our room, and i was expecting the worst. i decided to kill the man she was cheating on me with, so i looked out the window, and here's a guy who's hanging from my telephone wire. i hammer his fingers, but he doesn't drop. i decide to throw our refrigerator out the window, so i hoisted it up on my back, and my shirt got caught, and i threw it out the window and i fell out with it."
the second guy said, "i was an innocent window washer and i was washing windows when i saw something shiny. i reached out to grab it and the next thing i know im dangeling from a telephone wire. then a freak comes up and started more...

OFF THE WIRE
News We Just Couldn't Pass Up
A bad-tempered parrot named Henry has been banned from a national women's lawn-bowling championship in Britain for laughing and making disrespectful remarks.
Students protesting militarism in Israel wanted more than a banner to reach the public - so they painted an army tank memorial bubble-gum pink.
A 13-year-old Ugandan girl was forced to marry her elder sister's husband-to-be after the bride eloped hours before a traditional marriage ceremony.
A Russian political group will award $3,000 to the person who provides the best joke about its opponents in December's parliamentary elections.
After two days' baking, 10,000 eggs and 9 tons of flour, Chilean cooks finished what they claimed was the world's largest cake. It weighed 25 tons.
Esso Singapore has hired 10 university students to sing and dance for customers while filling their gas tanks and wiping their windows.
In Kissimmee, Fla., Ronald Legendre promised more...

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of chicken wire."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch some chickens."
"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of duct tape."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch me some ducks."
"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, more...

An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, “What’s your problem, Soldier? ”
“Chronic syphilis, Sir. ”
“What treatment are you getting? ”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day. ”
“What’s your ambition? ”
“To get back to the front, Sir. ”
“Good man, ” said the Major.

He went to the next bed, “What’s your problem, Soldier? ”
“Chronic piles, Sir. ”
“What treatment are you getting? ”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day. ”
“What’s your ambition? ”
“To get back to the front, Sir. ”
“Good man, ” barked the Major.

He moved to the next bed, “What’s your problem, Soldier? ”
“Chronic gum disease, Sir”
“What treatment are you getting? ”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day. ”
“What’s your ambition? ”
“To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir! ”

Santa singh and banta singh exited and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key which was in the ignition.

Realizing the mistake, banta asked, "why don't we get a wire to open it?"

"no, that won't work, ” answered santa. "people will think we're trying to break in to steal the car."

Then banta suggested, "what if we use a pocket knife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock?"

"no," said santa, "people will think we're too dumb to use a wire."

"well," sighed banta, "we'd better think of something fast. It's starting to rain, and the sun roof is open!"

There are many transmission lines that crisscross Connecticut. These are held up by transmission towers of various constructions. Those most commonly installed near urban areas are called "metal ornamental towers" (supposedly prettier than wood towers). Sometimes adventurous climb the towers in order to enjoy the view and the night air. Most stay away from the wires, and when they get bored, come back down.

Apparently, a man who was forlorn after a recent spat with his girlfriend needed some fresh air to clear his head and decided to climb a tower. He stopped for a 6 pack to help clear his thoughts, went to a tower south of Hartford, next to I-91, and climbed it. Public Service employees later pieced the story together.

The man sat there 60 feet above the highway, drank his beer and consoled his bruised ego. After 5 beers, he needed to do what people often need to do after 5 beers. It being such a long hike down, he unzipped and did his business right more...

There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hotsummer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a bigbundle of wire."Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where ya goin' with that wire?""Well," the kid drawls, "this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here'schicken wire - I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!""You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!""Sure I can!" the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back atthe end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickenscaught in his chicken wire. Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kidcomes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. "Hey kid!" the farmer yells. "Where ya goin' with that tape?" "Well, thishere ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape - I'm fixin' to catchme some ducks!""You can't catch ducks with duck tape!" the farmer yells more...