Wish Jokes / Recent Jokes
Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie."Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" she exclaimed.
"No," said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."
"Let's see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want. I would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes, that's it, for my one wish I would like my love handles removed."
"Poof!"And just like that... her ears were gone.
Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family. Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled. Mrs. Mueller is first. "What do you wish for yourself?" "I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings." "Okay, that shall be granted to you." Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few blows. Next it is Mueller's mother-in-law's turn. "What do you more...
A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating
their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy
appeared to congratulate them and grant them
each one wish.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy
waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her
hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.
He said; "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger
than me."
So the the fairy picked up her wand and poof -
the husband was 90.
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said,
' 'OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the fourth time this month and I''m getting a little sick of these wishes, so you can forget about three. You only get one wish.''
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said,
' 'I''ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I''m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?''
The genie laughed and said,' 'That''s impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel! No, think of another wish.''
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said,
' 'I''ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don''t care more...
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?"
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.
"One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream."
So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes."
So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.
She said, "You now have 3 wishes."
I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold more...
A BLONDE, BRUNETTE, AND A RED HEAD..WERE STANDED ON A DESSERTED ISLAND...THEY WERE WALKING AND WALKING AND WALKING AND SO ON... THE RED HEAD FINDS A BOTTLE AND THERE WAS AN INSCRIPTION ON IT BUT IT WAS COVERED IN SAND SO SHE RUBS IT OFF ALL OF A SUDDEN A SUDDEN MIST OF SMOKE COMES OUT FOLLOWED BY A GENIE..."WOW" THE RED HEAD EXCLAIMS...THE GENIE SAYS,"NOW NORMALLY I WOULD GRANT THE PERSON THAT LET ME OUT OF THAT GOD FORSAKEN BOTTLE 3 WISHES, BUT SINCE THERE ARE 3 OF YOU IT WOULD ONLY BE FARE IF I GRANTED EACH OF YOU A WISH" THE 3 GIRLS AGREED SO THE GEENIE ASKED THE RED HEAD WHAT IS YOUR WISH? THE RED HEAD REPLIES "I WISH I WAS AT HOME WITH MY FAMILY" POOF! SHE WAS HOME..SO THE GEENIE ASKS THE BRUNETTE WHAT IS YOUR WISH? I WISH I WAS AT HOME WITH MY FAMILY..POOF! SHE WAS HOME..THE GEENIE THEN TURNS TO THE BLONDE AND ASKS WHAT HER WISH IS? SHE RELPLIES.."I AM NOW ALL ALONE,"SO WHAT IS YOUR WISH THE GEENIE ASKS?," I WISH MY FRIENDS WERE BACK! more...