Wish Jokes / Recent Jokes
Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.
The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"
"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."
"Great, can I try it?"
"Sure."
First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."
The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"
"Done" says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.
"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"
Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.
"Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!", she exclaimed.
"No", said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."
"Lets see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage."
"And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want."
"I would like to get rid of these love handles, though." "Yeah, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed."
Poof!, and just like that, her ears were gone!
This little old lady was sitting on her front porch in her rocking chair reflecting on her long life when a fairy godmother approached her to grant her three wishes. "What would you like for your first wish, she said."The little old lady said "I guess I'm like everyone else, and would like to be rich." POOF-her rocking chair turned into solid gold. "And, for your second wish?" She asked."Well, again, like everyone else, I wish I were young and beautiful." POOF-she was turned into a beautiful young woman. As she was trying to come up with her third wish, her cat walked across the porch in front of her. "Ooh-can you turn him into a handsome prince?" POOF-before her eyes was the most handsome young man she had ever seen. She was sitting there all smitten-he smiled at her with a smile that made her knees week. He slowly approached
her and whispered in her ear. "I'll bet you're really pissed off that you had me neutered."
Golf GenieA couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix." The wife teed up and shacked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost." They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied." No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant more...
Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie. "Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!", she exclaimed."No", said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish.""Lets see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage.""And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want.""I would like to get rid of these love handles, though." "Yeah, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed."Poof!, and just like that, her ears were gone!
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a
minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear`s second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and more...
There were three elderly men sitting in wheelchairs on the porch one sunny afternoon. They were ten years apart in ages.
One was 60, another 70 and the last 80 years old.
The 60 yo, started complaining. He said "I wish I could just piss all at once and not dribble, dribble, dribble all day and night."
The 70 year old then said, "I don't have that problem. I just wish I could take one good dump and not ooze, ooze, oooze all day and night.
The 80 year old started laughing at the other two. He said, "I don't have any of those problems!" "At 7: 00 a. m. I take a good piss, at 9: 00 a. m. I take a good shit.
"My only problem is that... I don't wake up until noon!"