Wishes Jokes / Recent Jokes

Merry Christmas in Legal Terms

Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).

A man was walking along the beach when he saw bottle. Curious, he picked it up and was wiping the sand off it when out came a genie. "I will grant you three wishes," said the genie.
The man couldn't believe it. "First, I want ten million dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Poof! The genie handed the man a piece of paper with his account information on it.
"Next, I want to be the smartest man in the world."
Poof! The man instantly became smart.
"Now, I want to be irresistible to women."
Poof! The man was changed into a huge box of chocolates.

So a woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."
The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the more...

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said,' 'And what will your third wish be?''

The man looked at the genie and said,' 'Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?''

''You have had two wishes already,'' the genie said,' 'but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You have one wish left.''

''Okay,'' said the man,' 'I don't believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women.''

''Funny,'' said the genie as he granted his wish and disappeared.' 'That was your first wish too!''

there was a english man irish man scots & man they all went to a
magic slide the english man goes down the slide and wishes for a pot of gold and lands in a pot of gold the scottish went down the slide and wishes for a pot of silver and lands in a pot of silver the irish man goes down the slide and gose weeeeeeeee and lands in a buckit of wee !!!
by louis nicholson

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes - that whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM - she's more...

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low
stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced
within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion
of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who
choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to
practice a religion at all; plus, A fiscally successful, personally
fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally
accepted calendar year 1999, but not without due respect for
the calendars of choice of the other cultures whose contributions have
helped make our society great, without regards to the race, creed, color,
religious, or sexual preferences of the wishes.
(disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes
for him/herself or others and no more...