Witnessed Jokes

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.
An altar boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said. "Tell me, where is this man now?"
"Flat on his butt over by the holy water!" the boy informed him.

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.
An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?"
"Flat on his ass over by the holy water," said the boy.

One morning a man entered the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, placed some on each leg, then threw away his crutches. An alter boy witnessed this and ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he had seen.
"My son," the priest said, "you have just witnessed a miracle. Where is this man now?"
"He's flat on his behind over by the holy water," the alter boy replied.

“You know Bill O’Reilly is in a little bit of trouble with the black folks. … He had dinner in Harlem with Al Sharpton - he must have lost a bet - and he discovered that black people use utensils when they eat. He said he was shocked and delighted to see there was no difference between a black-owned restaurant and a white-owned restaurant. Which is true, because apparently, they both serve crackers” –Bill Maher
“Last week during a speech to the NRA, Rudy Giuliani was interrupted by a cell phone call, which he stopped his speech to answer. Giuliani then told the audience, ‘That was my wife reminding me to pick up some milk at the 9-Eleven’” –Seth Meyers
“The Democrats had a very big week this week. They tacked a hate crimes bill onto the war spending bill. … Apparently, attacks on gays, they said, is also actually terrorism. I don’t have time to explain how this bill works, but next year, General Petraeus will be eligible for a Tony. ” –Bill more...

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.
An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?"
"Flat on his ass over by the holy water," said the boy.