Wondering Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. free dinners
2. free lunches
3. free brunches
4. free movies (you get the point)
5. you can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay
6. you can cry without pretending there's something in your contact
7. you know the truth about whether size matters
8. speeding ticket? What's that?
9. you can hug your friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay
10. you actually get extra points for sitting on your butt watching sports
11. you don't have to try to laugh louder, deeper and harder than your buddies
12. if you never have a son, it's okay
13. if you do have a son, and he's a lousy athlete, it's still okay
14. if YOU'RE a lousy athlete, you don't have to question your worth as a human being
15. a new lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life
16. in high school, you never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned
17. if you have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, it more...

1. Free drinks. 2. Free dinners. 3. Free movies (you get the point). 4. You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay. 5. You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay. 6. You know The Truth about whether size matters. 7. Speeding ticket? What's that? 8. New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. 9. You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school. 10. If you have sex with someone and don't call him the next day, you're not the devil. 11. Condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment of sex. 12. If you have to be home in time for 90210, you can say so, out loud. 13. If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling. 14. You can sleep your way to the top. 15. You can sue the President for sexual harassment. 16. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep. 17. It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower. 18. No fashion faux pas you make could more...

Why it`s better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend`s clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We`ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don`t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies. .. (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we`re gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE`RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new more...

An old woman in a Nursing Home looks up one day to find an elderly man looking down on her. She smiled and asked him what he wanted.
"To get straight to the point, I know we are old and can no longer pleasure in sexual activity, but I was wondering if you would help me."
"Of course," she smiled.
"I was wondering if we could take a wander down to the park and if your could hold my penis for a while."
The old woman saw no harm in it, so she agreed. Since then they made it a regular occurence, and every day the 2 elderly people sat on the park bench and she held his penis.
One day, the woman went to the bench, but the man was not there. Feeling hurt, she looked around for him. To her amazement, she saw him and another woman-SHE was holding his penis!
"What does SHE have that I don't?" She screeched.
He looked up at her and smiled.
"Parkinsons," he replied.

An old woman in a Nursing Home looks up one day to find an elderly man looking down on her. She smiled and asked him what he wanted."To get straight to the point, I know we are old and can no longer pleasure in sexual activity, but I was wondering if you would help me.""Of course," she smiled."I was wondering if we could take a wander down to the park and if your could hold my penis for a while."The old woman saw no harm in it, so she agreed. Since then they made it a regular occurence, and every day the 2 elderly people sat on the park bench and she held his penis.One day, the woman went to the bench, but the man was not there. Feeling hurt, she looked around for him. To her amazement, she saw him and another woman-SHE was holding his penis!"What does SHE have that I don't?" She screeched.He looked up at her and smiled."Parkinsons," he replied.

Last Christmas we were thinking about all the things we didn't have; this Christmas we are thinking about all the things we do have.
Last Christmas we were placing wreaths on the doors of our homes; this Christmas we are placing wreaths on the graves of our heroes.
Last Christmas we were letting our sons play with toy guns; this Christmas we are teaching them that guns are not toys.
Last Christmas we were counting our money; this Christmas we are counting our blessings.
Last Christmas we were lighting candles to decorate; this Christmas we are lighting candles to commemorate.
Last Christmas we paid lip service to the real meaning of the holidays; this Christmas we are paying homage to it.
Last Christmas we were digging deep into our bank accounts to find money to fly home for the holidays; this Christmas we are digging deep into our souls to find the courage to do so.
Last Christmas we were trying not to let annoying relatives get the best of us; more...

The question this time, from the men's side of the table: what should you do when the women you're with asks you: "What are you thinking?"
Every male in the world has had to deal with this question, which is more often than not uncorked at entirely inappropriate times, such as when you are watching sports, locked in a passionate embrace, or reeling in a feisty marlin from the Gulf of Mexico. Regardless of what you're doing, you must come up with a complete and satisfactory answer, or stand accused of Hiding Your True Feelings. Which means, of course, you'll spend the next week pretending to be sorry. So you've got to come up with something. And it had better be good.
Now, the obvious question here is: WHY do women want to know what we're thinking? Simple: they assume we're thinking in the first place. Hard to believe, but there it is.
Why on earth would they think that? Well, go up to a woman and ask her what she is thinking. I have just done so with my wife, and more...