Wondering Jokes / Recent Jokes

*Thought 1* When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers. When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be liberated from? * *Thought 2* The average man`s life consists of: Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too.* *Thought 3* A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, `If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.` The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, `Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.` The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. `Who are more...

The average man's life consists of:
twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going;
forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too!

Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
Thought 3
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening more...

A posh hotel holds three weddings on the same day and at the end of the night the 3 grooms meet up at the bar to discuss the days events over a couple of shandy's.
One questions the other two, "listen, it's our wedding night and I was wondering - how many times are we expected to...um...you know... do it" The other two look blankly at him, wondering if the usual 2 pumps and a squirt is enough, or if should they go for it twice, seeing as it is a special occasion. Eventually, they all decide to retire to their respective wives and see how the night goes, with the idea to meet up the following morning over breakfast to discuss what went on.
Suddenly one of the grooms pipes up, "Hold on lads, we can't discuss our first night marital goings on over the breakfast table with our new wives sat with us."
"No you're right. What we'll do then, is for every piece of toast we order with our breakfast, that'll be the amount times we did it" offers another more...

Three men where traveling backcountry roads when their car broke down. They walked to a farmhouse and asked the old man for help. He told them they could stay the night and he would drive them to the town the next day. He warned them that his daughter meant the world to him, and he would kill them if he found out they screwed around with her. So all three mean agreed that they would not mess with his daughter. Later on that night one of the three friends was wondering around the house and he came upon the room of the farmers daughter. She was the most beautiful girl that he had ever seen! She looked at him with an innocent smile and motioned him in. He thought to himself that old man will never know, and he went into the room. The second of the three friends was wondering around the house and he came upon the room of farmers daughter. She smiled at him with that innocent grin and motioned him in. He thought to himself that old man will never know, and he went into the room. The third more...

Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth. You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...

A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self- adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.

The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."

SOCIAL SKILLS

Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. "Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:

* more...

Last Christmas we were thinking about all the things we didn't have; this Christmas we are thinking about all the things we do have.
Last Christmas we were placing wreaths on the doors of our homes; this Christmas we are placing wreaths on the graves of our heroes.
Last Christmas we were letting our sons play with toy guns; this Christmas we are teaching them that guns are not toys.
Last Christmas we were counting our money; this Christmas we are counting our blessings.
Last Christmas we were lighting candles to decorate; this Christmas we are lighting candles to commemorate.
Last Christmas we paid lip service to the real meaning of the holidays; this Christmas we are paying homage to it.
Last Christmas we were digging deep into our bank accounts to find money to fly home for the holidays; this Christmas we are digging deep into our souls to find the courage to do so.
Last Christmas we were trying not to let annoying relatives get the best of us; this more...