Woof Jokes / Recent Jokes
How do you make a cat go woof?
You soak it with gasoline and throw a match on it.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?" Dam!"What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phonesWhat do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stickWhat do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheeseWhat do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milkWhat do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? FrostbiteWhat has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. What is a polygon? A dead parrot. How do you stop an elephant from charging? Take away its credit cards. What's the difference between boogers and spinach? You can't get kids to eat spinach. What did the horse say when he fell? Ive fallen and I can't giddy up! What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public? A private tutor. more...
A large dog walks into a butcher's shop with a purse in its mouth. He puts the purse down and sits in front of the meat case. "What is it, boy?" the butcher asks, joking around with his customers. "Want to buy some meat?"
"Woof!" barks the dog.
"Hmm," says the butcher. "What kind? Liver, bacon, steak-"
"Woof!" interrupts the dog.
"And how much steak? Half a kilo, one kilo-"
"Woof!" says the dog. The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog's purse.
As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow. The dog enters an apartment house, climbs to the third floor, and begins to scratch on the door. With that, the door swings open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog.
"Stop!" yells the butcher. "What are you doing? That's the most clever animal I've ever seen!"
"Clever?" counters the man. "This is the third time this more...
A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out ablank form and wrote, "Woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof... woof." The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, "There areonly nine words here. You could send another' woof' for thesame price." The dog replied "What, and ruin the punchline?!"
An Irish Setter went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely informed the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"But, sir," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store. The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.
The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, "meow", the cop says, "oh, its only a cat"
He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, "woof, woof".
The cop says, "its only a dog".
He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, "potato"