Worker Jokes / Recent Jokes

Visitor: "Knock knock?"
Worker: "Who's there?"
Visitor: "Doughnut Man."
Worker: "Doughnut Man who?"
Visitor: "For the last time, do not (doughnut) bother me with your useless 'Knock-Knock' jokes!"
Worker: "But you started it!"

ONE of the busiest times for a meat-department manager in a supermarket occurs when there is a sale on particular cuts. When they put cross-rib roasts on sale one day the result was predictable.
They'd bring out a cart of roasts and before the workers could get them on display, women customers were jostling for their share. Three times they returned with a cart of roasts and three times they were gone before the workers got to the counter.
The fourth time out one worker noticed that a man who had quietly been watching began to approach the worker's cart. He elbowed his way in, pushing and shoving, and finally grasped a roast.
Before he could retreat from the crush, an irate woman glared at him and said, "Sir, how about being a gentleman!" The fellow turned and said, "Ma'am, for twenty minutes I've been a gentleman, now I'm going to be a lady!" And with that he smiled, took his roast and walked away.

A guy, working 35 floors up at a construction site, had to go to the bathroom. He approached his foreman and told him he was going to go down to use the facilities. The foreman told him he was nuts, explaining that by the time he got down and back up he would lose a half hour of time.
Instead, the foreman pushed a plank out over the edge of the building, stood on one end and told the guy to go out on the other end and do what he had to do. He added that since they were 35 floors up, his pee would turn into vapour before it reached the bottom. So, the guy decided to take his foreman's advice.
Suddenly, the foreman's cell phone rang and he jumped off the board to get it, causing the guy to fall to his death!
At the inquest, another worker who was on the 31st floor at the time of the accident was asked if he knew what happened.
"I'm not sure," he replied, "but I think it had something to do with sex."
"Something to do with sex?" the more...

Three high steel building workers break for lunch and sit down high above the city.
First worker opens his lunch box and complains, "Not lentils and rice again today, Every day, lentils & rice, lentils & rice. If I have lentils & rice again tomorrow I will throw myself from this building."
Second worker opens his lunch box and exclaims, "Not butter chicken & rice again. Every day chicken & rice. If I have that again tomorrow I'll throw myself off too."
The last worker, a blonde opens his lunch box and said, "Not baked macaroni and cheese again. Every day the same baked macaroni and cheese. If I have that one more time tomorrow I'll throw myself off with you guys."
The next day at lunch, the first worker opens his lunch and cries, "Lintils and rice.?!?"
He throws himself off the building from the 20th floor!
The second worker his lunch and sees that he has butter chicken and rice again and throws himself off, too!
The more...

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist and a Government Worker were bragging about how smart their dogs were.To show off, the Engineer called to his dog and said, "T-Square, do your stuff." T- square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff."Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, more...

a construction worker was trying to call one of his co-workers but due to the loud noise around he decided to throw a bolt at him. he finally got the attention of his co-worker. he then signaled to come up and help him. awkardly the co-worker starts masturbating. furious the construction worker throws a wrench. finally the co-worker goes up and says,"why you throw the wrench at me I was trying to tell you I was coming!"

A construction worker went to the doctor, complaining of terrible stomach pains.
"Doc," he said, "I'm really constipated. Can you help me?"
The doctor examined him for a moment and then told him to lean over the table. As instructed, the construction worker leaned over the table, the doctor smacked him on the butt with his clipboard, CRACK!... and then sent him to the bathroom.
A few minutes later he returned and said, "Gee, doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent this problem in the future?"
"Stop wiping with cement bags!" the doctor replied.