Worker Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog, "T-square, do your stuff!". T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff!". Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff!". Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone more...

A social worker, a minister, and a systems analyst set out one day to
play a friendly game of golf. At the course, they found a long line
waiting to get to the first tee. They asked the party in front of
them what the problem was, and were told that a group of blind golfers
was on the course ahead of them.
The following conversation ensued:
Social Worker: Isn't it wonderful what handicapped people can do if
you just give them half a chance?
Minister: It certainly is, but those golfers aren't on the
course alone. The Lord helps those who help
themselves.
Systems Analyst: Yeah, it's neat all right, but why the hell can't they
play at night?

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the 1st floor knods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says," What the fuck is wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!" The other guy says," I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the Essex girl "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?" "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne" "Doesn`t that get confusing?" "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER`S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That`s easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames."

A dedicated UPS (United Parcel Service) union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels nearby. When he got to the first one, he asked the madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" he asked.
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she says.
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the madam responded, "Why yes sir, this IS a union house."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20," replied the madam.
"That's more like it!" the UPS man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. more...

On a man's 33rd birthday he gets a package at the Post Office and goes to collect it.
At the counter the woman brings his package to him, and the man says, "It's my birthday today."
"Oh, happy birthday, how old are you?", asks the Post Office worker.
"33.", says the man.
"Well, have a good day.", says the worker.
"Thank you.", replied the man.
To get home, the man has to take the bus. At the bus stop an old lady walks up and waits soon after he arrives.
The man says to the old lady,
"It's my birthday today."
"Oh, happy birthday.", says the old lady.
"I'm..."
"No don't tell me.", interjects the old lady, "I know a unique way of telling how old somebody is."
"Oh yeah? What's that then?", asks the man.
"If I can feel your balls for about 5 minutes, I can tell exactly how many years old you are.", says the old more...

The social worker asked the bartender "Whats the difference between your job and mine?" The bartender replied: "I only had to go to bartender school for 6 weeks and I learned to mix a very good drinks, than wait a couple of hours to have people tell me their innermost thoughts while you went to school for 6 years, paid thousands and thousands of dollars, sit session after session using technique after technique, and you still may never hear them!!!