World Jokes / Recent Jokes
A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and POOF-the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and POOF - the husband was 90.
My friend told me these songs about Barney. I hope you like them.
(In rhythm to I Love You)
I hate you
You hate me
We're a violent family
With a great big gun
and a bang from me to you
Won't you say you hate me too.
(In rhythm to Joy To The World)
Joy to the world
Barney's dead
I barbequed his head
What happened to his body
I flushed it down the potty
And around and around it goes
And around and around it
And around and around around around it goes
This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college.The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and more...
Mr Silva and Mr. Perera are very good friends. One Sunday evening they are having a
beer at Silva's place.
These gentlemen, being bachelors still, kept servants to maintain the house and also to
run errands for them.
After few rounds of drinks, their topic of discussion turned to servants. Mr. Perera says
to Mr. Silva,
"I say Mr. Silva, I think my servant Banda should be the most foolish servant in the world."
"Come on Mr. Perera, I will eat my head if you can prove that Banda is more foolish than
my servant Junda."
"Okay, okay we'll see". And Mr. Silva calls Banda and handed him 10 Rupees and tells,
"Banda, you go to the Toyota dealer at the corner of the street and buy me a new Camry
with that."
"Certainly, Sir" and off goes Banda.
"You see Mr. Perera, how foolish is my servant"
"Huh!, you say that is foolish, wait till you see my servant" and more...
Cinderella, Superman and Pinocchio die and go to heaven. On their way they talk:
Cinderella: "I want to be remembered as the most beautiful girl in the world"
Superman: "I want to be remembered as the strongest person in the world"
Pinocchio: "I want to be remembered as the greatest liar in the world"
It's Cinderella's turn. She goes into the room and comes out smiling, saying "It's done. I'm the most beautiful girl in the world!"
Then goes Superman. He goes into the room and comes out happy, saying "It's done. I'm the strongest person in the world!"
Last comes out Pinocchio, angrily he says: "Damn! who's this Clinton guy?!?!"
The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
[Another quarter inch doesn't impress most women.]
A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m. p. h.
[Along with everything else in your mouth at the time.]
The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500s.
[That same year men began asking, "Put that on my WHAT?"]
The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B. C.
[Does this explain Crocodile Dung Dee? ]
Watch out for flying hockey pucks - they travel at up to 100 mph.
[Stand clear or you'll get pucked.]
America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.
[3 very lonely men.]
98% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.
[The other 2% are NY cab drivers who know better.]
When he's feeling amorous, the male sea otter grabs the female's nose with his teeth.
[When the female feel amorous, she grabs something more...
Two lil leprechauns went off to St Mary's convent and begged an audience with the mother superior. "well, how can I help you little folk?" asked the Mother Superior.
The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked "Well, mother superior, would you be a knowing any midget nuns here at the convent?"
"Afraid not," replies Mother Superior, "there are no midget nuns here"
"all right then, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland then?"
"Well, no," replied Mother Superior, "none that I know of."
"Well then, in the whole world of nuns, would you know of any Midget nuns?"
"No, I would'nt - there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!" said Mother Superior, "and would you please tell me what this is all about?"
The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the stupid leprechaun and said "well, I told you so...you've been dating a more...