Worst Jokes / Recent Jokes
What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria? The food!
Q: What's the worst time to be a rat or a mouse?
A: When it's raining cats and dogs!
What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer`s more...
These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest:
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of more...
Peter says, "Now, to get into Heaven you have to answer a simple question. How many years were you married and did you ever cheat on your wife?"The first man says, "Well, I was married 45 years and I cheated on my wife 10 times.""Okay, since you were so good you get this car, not the best not the worst." The first man drove away in his car.The second man steps up and shrugged, "I was married 35 years and only cheated on her twice." "Okay, here's your car, not the best, not the worst." And the second man drove off.The third man stepped up and said proudly, "I was married 75 years and I never cheated on my wife.""Wow, okay, here's your car, the very best." And the third man drove off in the best car.Two days later the three men meet up again. The third man is crying. "What's wrong?" they ask him."I just saw my wife." he says. "And she was driving a skateboard."
What are the worst 3 years of a blondes life? The 1st grade.