Wrap Jokes / Recent Jokes
Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?" "Yes," I replied, "That is a good analogy." "I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?"
INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat`s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat`s head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden more...
Why did the Polak wrap his hamster in electrical tape? So it wouldn`t explode when he screwed it.
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.3. Retrive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rearpaws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.Call spouse from garden.6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.7. more...
INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one more...
A picky customer comes to a small food shop and sees a new delivery of fresh fruit. "Give me two kilograms of oranges and wrap every orange up in a separate piece ofpaper, please," he says to the saleswoman. She does."And three kilograms of cherries, please, and wrap up every one in a separate piece of paper, too." She does."And what is that there," he asks pointing out a bushel basket in the corner."Raisins," says the saleswoman, "but they are not for sale!"
1. Cover your stump before you hump. 2. Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper. 3. Don't be silly, protect your willy. 4. When in doubt, shroud your spout. 5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner. 6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong. 7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it. 8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey. 9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize. 10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter. 11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick12. If you go into heat, package your meat. 13. While you're undressing venus, dress up that penis. 14. When you take off her pants and blouse, be sure to suit up your trouser mouse. 15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member. 16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker. 17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool. 18. The right selection! Protect your erection. 19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil. 20. A crank with armor will never harm her. 21. If yo really love her, wear a more...