Wrap Jokes / Recent Jokes

GUJARATIS have problem pronouncing the word wrap and usually render it rape. Kannadigas go one better; they spell the word the way our gujju friends pronounce it. A Hari Prakash of Bangalore writes of an accountant of a local weekly who, when the publication was delayed, had to hire casual labour to wrap magazines in brown paper for posting. In the cash payment voucher he entered the explanation, "paid to casual labour towards raping charges." "If the work load was heavy, the entry often read, "paid to casual labour towards raping through out the night."

1. Cover your stump before you hump.2. Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper.3. Don't be silly, protect your willy.4. When in doubt, shroud your spout.5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick12. If you go into heat, package your meat.13. While you're undressing venus, dress up that penis.14. When you take off her pants and blouse, be sure to suit up your trouser mouse.15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.18. The right selection! Protect your erection.19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.20. A crank with armor will never harm her.21. If yo really love her, wear a cover.22. Don't make more...

Men are like plastic wrap. Cheap. Clingy. And very easy to see through.

Since it was his birthday, the man's wife wanted to surprise him when he came home from work. After giving it some careful thought, she decided she would strip naked and wrap herself from shoulders to ankles in saran wrap.
He arrived home a short time later, exhausted from a hard day at work. He entered the kitchen, placed his lunchbox down and heard his wife say, "Darling! I'm in the living room."
As he rounded the corner, he spotted his wife all wrapped up in plastic. After taking a quick peek, he immediately remarked, "Leftovers again!"

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
Christmas, when the Three Wise Men went to see the baby Jesus and,
according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold,
frankincense, and myrrh".

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
discover an important theological fact; there is no mention of
wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so.

"And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the
paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And
Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him,
she saideth, "Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next
year! And Joseph did rolleth his eyes. And the baby Jesus was
more interested in the paper than, for example, the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that more...

A picky customer comes to a small food shop and sees a new delivery of fresh fruit. "Give me two kilograms of oranges and wrap every orange up in a separate piece ofpaper, please," he says to the saleswoman. She does.
"And three kilograms of cherries, please, and wrap up every one in a separate piece of paper, too." She does.
"And what is that there," he asks pointing out a bushel basket in the corner.
"Raisins," says the saleswoman, "but they are not for sale!"

Fewer bubbles per square yard
Bubbles used to contain oxygen - now cheaper imitation oxygen
Due to production delays the 2002 models won't be out until March
No more paying for product placement like the big bubble wrap scene in the upcoming "Star Wars" movie
Can not afford full-page newspaper ads attacking styrofoam peanuts
Bubble wrap no longer shipped in the bubble wrap to prevent damage
Switched to lower grade plastic which makes more of a "puh"
Now when you're put on hold, you hear top 40 music instead of romantic bubble wrap ballads
Employees' Christmas bonus? Bubble wrap
During business trips executives must now pay for hookers out of their own pocket
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