Wrapped Jokes / Recent Jokes

If garbage workers in your community ever go out on strike, you might like to know how a wise New Yorker disposed of his refuse for the nine days the sanitation workers were off the job last summer. Each day he wrapped his garbage in gift paper. Then he put it in a shopping bag. When he parked his car, he left the bag on the front seat with the window open. When he got back to the car, the garbage had always been collected.

A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast. One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said,"Don't move -- I'll be right back." When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?" "I hiccupped."

It was a hot day and a Hollywood star told a visiting Asian actor he knew of a secluded place where they can go skinny dipping. While they were enjoying the cool water, a busload of women suddenly appeared. Both men made a beeline for their towels. The Hollywood star wrapped his towel around his waist, while the Asian actor wrapped his towel around his head. There was a great deal of laughter coming from the women. They were hysterical. Afterwards, when there was only the two of them, the Hollywood star asked his guest why he wrap his towel around his head, instead of around his waist and he replied, Where I come from we identify with our faces.

Since it was his birthday, the man's wife wanted to surprise him when he came home from work. After giving it some careful thought, she decided she would strip naked and wrap herself from shoulders to ankles in saran wrap.
He arrived home a short time later, exhausted from a hard day at work. He entered the kitchen, placed his lunchbox down and heard his wife say, "Darling! I'm in the living room."
As he rounded the corner, he spotted his wife all wrapped up in plastic. After taking a quick peek, he immediately remarked, "Leftovers again!"

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
Christmas, when the Three Wise Men went to see the baby Jesus and,
according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold,
frankincense, and myrrh".

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
discover an important theological fact; there is no mention of
wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so.

"And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the
paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And
Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him,
she saideth, "Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next
year! And Joseph did rolleth his eyes. And the baby Jesus was
more interested in the paper than, for example, the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that more...

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb,
went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew,
"presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact
there is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so "And
lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the
paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And
Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him,
she saideth,' Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next
year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was
more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the more...

For those of you that might not have heard the REAL story of Christmas, enjoy!
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, everyone into his own city.
And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should deliver. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the more...