Wrong Jokes / Recent Jokes

Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.
Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
Excellence can be attained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.
Exceptions always outnumber rules.

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life…” “What’s wrong with that, Johnny? ” the pastor asked. “Well, ” answered Johnny, “I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I’m not sure I’d like Shirley following me around all the time. ” A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life…” “What’s wrong with that, Johnny? ” the pastor asked. “Well, ” answered Johnny, “I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I’m not sure I’d like Shirley following me around all the time. ”

Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong? At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her."That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What more...

1. You have two choices in life. You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish your were dead.
2. At a cocktail. party, one woman said to another, "aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
3. A lady inserted an ad. in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine.".
4. When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
5. A woman is incomplete until she is amrried. Then she is finished.
6. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get Married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
7. A young son asked, "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every more...

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
Q: How has French revolution affected world economic more...

I found this in the salon where I get my hair cut. The owner says she
feels these rules are correctly stated.
THE RULES*
For those of you who don't already know, these are the rules that are in
effect in every relationship.
The female always makes the rules.
These rules are subject to change at any time without prior
notification.
No male can possibly know all the rules.
If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must
immediately change some or all of the rules.
The female is never wrong.
If the female is wrong it is because of a vagrant misunderstanding
which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
If rule number six applies, the male must immediately apologize for
causing the misunderstanding.
The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
The male must never change his mind without express written consent of
the female.
The female has every right to be more...

"That's weird..."
"It's never done that before."
"It worked yesterday."
"How is that possible?"
"It must be a hardware problem."
"What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
"There's something funky in your data."
"I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
"You must have the wrong version."
"It's just some unlucky coincidence."
"I can't test everything!"
"This can't be the source of that."
"It works, but it hasn't been tested."
"Somebody must have changed my code."
"Did you check for a virus on your system?"
"Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?"
"You can't use that version on your system."
"Why do you want to do it that way?"
"Where were you when the program blew up?"
And the Number One more...