Wuz Jokes

Wuz de night befo CrismusAn all ober de hoodEverybody wuz sleepin'Day wuz sleepin' good. Everbody wuz sleepin'all tight in they bedsWhilst Thunderbird WineDanced in they headsI was passed out on de floRight next to my MaWhen I heard such a fussI thinked "It must be de law!!"I looked out tru de barzdat covered my doSpectin' de sherifwith a warrant fo sho! Now ober de yearsSanny Claws, he be white. But it lookin' like us brosgot a black Sanny dis nightNow what I did seemade me say "LAWD Lood at dat!"It was a huge watermellon cadipulled by dwarf ratsFaster than a po-lice carTrue de air he camean whupped up on dem warf ratsan called emm by name. On Leroy, on Kendrick, On Jontarious Lee, on FalaciousThey was a sight to seeHe didn't go down no chimbly-just picked de lock on my do'An I says to myself-"Shit! He done did befo'!"He had a big sackfull of presents I spectWith Air Jordans and Fake Goldto go' round my neck. But he didn't leave any presents-just started more...

I heard this one on the radio, offered up by a Cajun cafe owner in Louisiana, so read it with a French Cajun accent... Leetle Jean and heez father lived down on zee bayou. Jean wuz a very strong boy for all of heez ten years of age. One day Jean's papa asked Jean if he wuz zee one who had pooshed their outhouse into zee waters of zee bayou.
"Oh, no, Papa. I deed not do it!" say zee boy.
Now, Jean's papa knew that zee boy had a mean streak, and being zee strong youngun that he wuz, he wuz certain that Jean must have done zee deed.
He says: "Jean, now I really want you to tell me zee truth. Did you tip zee outhouse into zee bayou?"
"Oh, no, Papa. I wouldn't do that!" say leetle Jean.
Then Jean's Papa decides he must somehow win Jean's confidence to tell zee truth. He tells him zee following story.
"Jean, oncest upon a time, our first president, George Washington, wuz a leetle boy jus' like you. One day heez papa asked heem more...

Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the stewardess approached.
"May I get you something?" she asked. "Aye, a whusky" Jock replied.
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one.
"Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be raped and ravished by whores all the way to America than drink whisky!"
Jock hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"

Ebonics Crimmus PomeWuz de nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin' Dey wuz sleepin' goodWe hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause Be bringin' our checkAll o'de fambily Wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey headsI passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw When I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"I looked out thru de bars What covered my doe' spectin' de sheriff Wif a warrent fo shoAnd what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon Pulled by giant warf rats!! Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis niteFaster dan a Po'lees car My home boy he came He whupped on dem warf rats An' called dem by name! On Leroy, on' Lonzo And on Willie Lee On Saphire, on Chenequa Dey wuz a site to see!! As he landed dat watta' mellon Out der in da skreet I knowed it was fo' sho' Da damndest site I ebber did seeHe didn't more...

'Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack
Not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back.
The skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care,
With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds,
While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads.
And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake.
Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake.
When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard,
I opened the winder to check muh T-bird.
I ran to the door, like I's on a mission,
But I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission.
The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin'.
Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'.
When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see
But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep.
With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick
I said "Shoot Fire!" That must be more...