Yesterday Jokes / Recent Jokes
These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day`s mistake...
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MONDAY: For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs Mani who lives with him cheap.
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TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in Vishanth`s ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98407 16581 and ask for Mrs Mani, who lives with him after 7PM."
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WEDNESDAY: Notice: Vishanth has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of t he error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs. Mani who loves with him.
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THURSDAY: Notice: I, Vishanth, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don`t call more...
The Speed of Time by Age 0-9 Extremely slow. Even a trip to the store with Mom seems like going to Albania - by covered wagon. Most common phrase: "Is it Christmas yet?" 10-19 Still slow. Scientific evidence seems to show that school clocks actually move backwards just before the bell rings. 20-29 Alternately fast and slow. Weekends seem shorter and shorter, yet paychecks seem further and further apart. 30-39 Time achieves warp speed, except when put on hold on the telephone and forced to endure anything longer than 5 seconds of Muzak. Most common phrase: "Is it Christmas already?" 40-49 Still fast. Seems like just yesterday when Jerry Brown said he might run for President. Wait a minute! It WAS yesterday when he said that. Also, Dick Clark still looks the same. Could time be slowing down? 60-69 Hey! What happened to 50-59? 70 + Unbelievably fast. Wars used to last years. Now it seems like they're over in a couple weeks.
Dear Dad," read the young soldier's first letter home. "I cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear.. .."
Several months later came another letter: "Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I danced with a hula girl.. . . "
Two weeks later came yet another note: "Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the polar bear and shot the hula girl.. . . "
Police: Yesterday night the thiefs stole the car, fridge, jewellery's, money,... but why not tv?
Sardar: How could they take the tv when i was watching it.
To the tune - by P ================================================
Yesterday,
all my finals seem Then I realized th Oh, how I long for yesterday.
Suddenly,
I no longer have th Now it's looking c Oh, finals came so suddenly.
I can
cram, alth it off today.
Come to-
morrow mo my knees and pray...
Yesterday,
This was such an eas Now my chops are all My jury's a half-hour away.
What I
have to show
I don't know,
the I'll spell
something wrong,. .. there goes my "A"...
Yesterday.
Thought of graduating Now it looks as though I' Oh, how I long for Yesterday.
I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him?
My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday. How is she now? She's fine. But, the dog died.