Yetta Jokes

Sadie and Yetta, two Jewish widows, are talking
Sadie: "That nice tailor, Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Yetta: "Vell... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. And like such a mensch he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Then
he takes me downstairs, and what's there but such a beautiful car... a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner....Marvelous dinner. Lobster, even. Den ve go see a show... Let
me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then, we are coming back to my apartment and into an ANIMAL, he turns. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!
Sadie: "Oy! Vey...so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with more...

Sadie: "That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Yetta: "Vell... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. An like such a mench he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but such a beautiful car....a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for a dinner... Marvelous dinner. Lobster even. Den ve go see a show... let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could just die from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment, and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"
Sadie: "Oy! Vey... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
Yetta: "No..I'm just saying that if you go, wear an more...

Shlomo and Yetta were getting ready to go out to dinner. Yetta comes out of the bedroom and says to Shlomo, “Darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or shall I put on the Gucci outfit?” “What do I care?” Shlomo replies.
Yetta then asks, “Darling, shall I wear my Rolex or my Cartier watch?” “Who cares?” says Shlomo. Yetta then says to Shlomo “Darling, shall I wear my 5 carat pear or my 6 carat round diamond?” To which Shlomo responds “Hey, if you don’t get your act together, and soon, we are going to miss the Early Bird Special!”

Jewish employment
"My son," says Yetta, "is a physicist."
"My son," says Sadie, "is president of an insurance company."
"My son," says Becky, "is the head of a law firm and president of the Law Society."
"My son," says Hannah, "is a rabbi."
"A rabbi? What kind of career is that for a Jewish boy?"

The dinner date
Shlomo and Yetta were getting ready to go out to dinner.
Yetta comes out of the bedroom and says to Shlomo, “Darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or shall I put on the Gucci outfit?”
“What do I care?” Shlomo replies.
Yetta then asks, “Darling, shall I wear my Rolex or my Cartier watch?”
“Who gives a damn?” says Shlomo.
Yetta then says to Shlomo “Darling, shall I wear my 5 carat pear or my 6 carat round diamond?”
To which Shlomo responds “Hey, if you don’t get your act together, and soon, we are going to miss the Early Bird Special!”