York Jokes / Recent Jokes

There are three Jewish mothers bragging about their sons.
The first one says "My son is very successful. He is the best lawyer in New York City."
The second one says "My son has done better than that. He is the best Doctor in New York City."
The third one says "My son has not done that well. He does not have a very good job, and he is homosexual. But he has these two great boyfriends....One is the best lawyer in New York City, and the other is the best doctor in the city."

Look at this:
The date of the attack: 9/11 - 9 + 1 + 1 = 11
September 11th is the 254th day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11
After September 11th there are 111 days left to the end of the year.
119 is the area code to Iraq/Iran. 1 + 1 + 9 = 11
Twin Towers - standing side by side, looks like the number 11
The first plane to hit the towers was Flight 11
I Have More.......
State of New York - The 11 State added to the Union
New York City - 11 Letters
Afghanistan - 11 Letters
The Pentagon - 11 Letters
Ramzi Yousef - 11 Letters (convicted of orchestrating the attack on he WTC in 1993)
Flight 11 - 92 on board - 9 + 2 = 11
Flight 77 - 65 on board - 6 + 5 = 11

You Know You're in New York City When...1. Nuns walk down the street carrying automatic weapons.2. You can run into the corner deli and have an eat-in lunch with dessert in the time it takes to cross the intersection of 8th and 42nd at rush hour.3. A flying saucer can pass overhead and you hear the locals say, "Ack. More damned aliens."4. The aroma of smoked meat is able to counteract the smell of smog and pollution.5. The priest in the cadillac behind you gives you the finger for cutting him off.6. You pass a convenience store advertising "Free green cards, no questions asked."7. The gas station attendants actually speak English.8. The unearthly pounding of the cranked up bass in the El Camino next to you is drowned out by the cabshonking their horns.9. A person with rainbow striped hair can pass bywithout anyone staring.10. The bumper sticker on the senior citizen's car in front of you reads, "Warning: I break for pedestrians."

An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to Italy on business for
two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security
for the loan, so the Italian hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian
produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees
to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Italian returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says,
"Sir, we are very happy to more...

There are three Jewish mothers bragging about their sons. The first one says "My son is very successful. He is the best lawyer in New York City."
The second one says, "My son has done better than that. He is the best doctor in New York City."
The third one says, "My son has not done that well. He does not have a very good job, and he is homosexual. But he has these two great boyfriends... One is the best lawyer in New York City, and the other is the best doctor in the city!"

At a bar in New York the man to the Laloos left tells the bartender, "Johnnie Walker, Single" and the mans companion says, "Jack Daniels, Single".
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, And you sir."
Laloo replies " Laloo Yadav, married"

Jon Niese and Luis Castillo are the latest New York Mets to leave games with injuries. New York Met Fans, however, just leave games with anger.