York Jokes / Recent Jokes

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came a New Yorker. "I'm not hiring any wise-ass New Yorker," the foreman thought to himself, so he made up a test hoping that the New Yorker wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9.
"Without numbiz?" the New Yorker says. "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ain't you got no brains? Tree' n tree n' tree makes nine."
"Fair enough," says the boss.
"Here is your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The New Yorker stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Dare ya go."
The boss more...

You Know You're in New York City When... 1. Nuns walk down the street carrying automatic weapons. 2. You can run into the corner deli and have an eat-in lunch with dessert in the time it takes to cross the intersection of 8th and 42nd at rush hour. 3. A flying saucer can pass overhead and you hear the locals say, "Ack. More damned aliens." 4. The aroma of smoked meat is able to counteract the smell of smog and pollution. 5. The priest in the cadillac behind you gives you the finger for cutting him off. 6. You pass a convenience store advertising "Free green cards, no questions asked." 7. The gas station attendants actually speak English. 8. The unearthly pounding of the cranked up bass in the El Camino next to you is drowned out by the cabshonking their horns. 9. A person with rainbow striped hair can pass bywithout anyone staring. 10. The bumper sticker on the senior citizen's car in front of you reads, "Warning: I break for pedestrians."

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

A woman from Texas and a woman from New York meet at a party. The woman from Texas says to the woman from New York, "Hi! Where y'all from?

The woman from New York replies, "Where I come from we don't end our sentences with prepositions..."

So the woman from Texas says, "Fine! Where y'all from, bitch?"

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5, 000 and the interest, which comes to $15. 41. The loan officer approaches her.
''We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5, 000?''
''Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?''

On a summer holiday in New York Banta decided to visit a bar. At the bar, the man sitting on Banta's left told the bartender,' Johnie Walker, single.' Then the man on his right ordered,' Jack Daniels, single.' When the barman turned to Banta for an order, he said,' Banta, married.'

A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!" "OK," the man says, "You take the front and I`ll take the back."