York Jokes / Recent Jokes

On a bus station, an old lady got into a bus and said to the driver,
"Sonny boy, I think I'm going to fall asleep during this long bus ride.
Can you wake me up when we get to New York?" The Driver replied, "Sure
thing." But later he forgot all about the old lady and only when he went 3
hours past New york he remembered that he had to wake her up. He felt
really sorry for the old lady so he decided to go all the way back to New
York and wake up the old lady and pretend like nothing happend. Even when
all the other passengers disagreed the driver didn't change his mind.
Finally when they got to New York. He woke up the old lady and the old
lady got up, looked inside her bag, took out a pill and ate it. Then she
said, "Thank you sonny boy! I always forget to take my medication in
time!" and went back to sleep again.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250, 000 Rolls as collateral against a $5, 000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5, 000 and the interest, which comes to $15. 41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to, have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked more...

In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home." In a classified ad: "Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it." In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center" On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church." Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques." In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?" In a classified ad: "Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts."

On a bus station, an old lady got into a bus and said to the driver, "Sonny boy, I think I'm going to fall asleep during this long bus ride. Can you wake me up when we get to New York?" The Driver replied, "Sure
thing." But later he forgot all about the old lady and only when he went 3 hours past New york he remembered that he had to wake her up. He felt
really sorry for the old lady so he decided to go all the way back to New York and wake up the old lady and pretend like nothing happend. Even when all the other passengers disagreed the driver didn't change his mind.Finally when they got to New York. He woke up the old lady and the old lady got up, looked inside her bag, took out a pill and ate it. Then she said, "Thank you sonny boy! I always forget to take my medication in
time!" and went back to sleep again.

No one is more sarcastic than a New York deli counterman. I asked him why the buffalo mozzarella cost so much more than the regular.

"Didja ever try to milk a buffalo?"

A New York boy was being led through the swamps ofLouisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won'tattack you if you carry a flashlight?"The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast yacarry the flashlight."

A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks."Thats a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him."Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."