Yourself Jokes / Recent Jokes

(tip: don't try these if you're not willing to risk being beaten up)
1. Poke the person next to you repeatedly with your fork. If they try to retaliate, curl into a ball and start crying for your mother.
2. This only works if the person has their back to you. Select a single strand of hair from the person's head and pull gently. When they reach up to touch their hair or try to turn around, look at the ceiling or pretend to read the menu. Repeat constantly.
3. Tap your fingernails on the table top, ignoring any evil stares that come your way. (This works anywhere, not just restaurants.)
4. Hug yourself and rock backwards and forwards in your seat whilst muttering incoherantly. This will not only completely embarrass those at your table, it is also extremely annoying.
5. Help yourself to other people's meals. If they complain, pretend to stick your fingers down your throat and ask them if they'd like their food back.

Sometimes we need to remember WHAT the Rules of Life really are.

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three alcoholic beverages of any kind.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was: "Go! You might meet somebody!"

7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.

8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"

9. Never pass up an more...

LEVEL 1: It’s 11: 00 on a weeknight, you’ve had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, “Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I’m cool. ”
LEVEL 2: It’s midnight. You’ve had a few more beers. You’ve just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you’re thinking, “Hey! I’m out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I’m cool. ”
LEVEL 3: One in the morning. You’ve abandoned beer for tequila. You’ve just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you’re thinking, “Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen! ” At level three, you love the more...

Arizona
• A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
• Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony (This goes back in the days of the Wild West).
• Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.
• Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
• Due to a typographical error in the Tempe, Ariz., code, a shooting range can be run by the "Amateur Crapshooting Association."
• Glendale: Cars may not be driven in reverse.
• Hayden: If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.
• Hunting camels is prohibited.
• In 1985, an Arizona legislator proposed that each candidate for the legislature take a reading and an I.Q. test three months before the election. The scores would have been posted on the ballot, had the bill passed. But a majority of legislators, for whatever reason, voted it down.
• In Arizona it is illegal to take naked photographs before noon more...

This quiz is dedicated to all of those people who find themselves constantly roaming the net. Do you leave yourself logged in twenty-four hours a day, even when you’re not home? Is your wpm typing speed higher than your IQ? Are you having trouble seeing things at distances greater than 2 feet? Yes, YOU. You know who you are.
Ok… shall we begin? Yes? 5 points… (you could’ve backed out.)
Unless otherwise stated, point values are as follows: 2 for (a), 4 for (b), 6 for (c), and 10 for (d).

1) How many valid net addresses do you have?
Multiple machines at the same site do not count.
____Internet ____UUCP ____Other public access ____Other
____Bitnet ____Freenet ____Internet BBS ____All seven
(2 points each)

2) How many hours did it take for you to create your. sig?
a) Huh?
b) More than one
c) More than five
d) I’m still looking for a really funky quote

3) On an average working day, how many email more...

1. You take more pride in your number of stars than you do your GPA.2. You find yourself calling your friends at school "Rufio" and "pandapooky".3. You refer to yourself in real life as your YT name.4. When someone asks a lot of questions to you, you say, "You're a real Falconwing!"5. You are Falconwing.6. You buy a YT t-shirt.7. You buy 1000 YT t-shirts and give them away to your school/workplace.8. You write a newspaper article or report on Buddy.9. Your closest friends have names like jesusfreek and envethis.10.You refer to buddy as your god.

Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.