Zen Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and one not to change it.
Three. One to change it, one not to change it, and one both to change it and not to change it.

A university professor went to visit a famous Zen master. While the master quietly served tea, the professor talked about Zen. The master poured the visitor's cup to the brim, and then kept pouring. The professor watched the overflowing cup until he could no longer restrain himself. "It's overfull! No more will go in!" the professor blurted. "You are like this cup," the master replied, "How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup."

People's reactions to this story:
"You cannot learn anything if you already feel that you know."
"Preconceived ideas and prejudices always prevent us from seeing the truth."
"You should open your mind before you open your mouth."
"The master is trying to tell him to ease back and relax. The professor is too anxious about the whole thing."
"Some people want to be taught everything in one sitting. It's not possible."
"This more...

How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two.
One to screw in the light bulb, and one to not screw in the light bulb.

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to ahot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, whopays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Wheres mychange?" asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

Zen Buddhist to hotdog vendor: "Make me one with everything."

The zen master went up to the hot dog vendor and said,' Make me One with Everything.'

The hot dog vendor put one on a bun with the catsup, mustard, pickalilly, onions, and pickle and handed it to the zen master. The zen master gave the hot dog vendor a $20 and the hot dog vendor put the $20 in his cash drawer.

The zen master said' Where is my change?'

And the hot dog vendor said' Change comes from within.'

Enlightenment Quiz1. Yin and. ........ A) Yout B) Tonic C) Yenta D) Yang2. A Zen koan is. .......> A) A Jewish Buddhist B) All of the above C) None of the above D) None of the above3. Just before total God-realization I would see.......> A) A blue pearl B) Nothing C) Everything D) How would I know? 4. Lao-Tsu is....... A) Shrimp with fried rice B) The Atman Brothers C) A Japanese word for sneeze D) Someone you should know about5) Jivatman and Atman merge to become....... A) Jivatmanatman B) The Atman Brothers C) Jivatman & Atman Inc. D) Mr. & Mrs. Atman6) The word or words which best describes the relationship of God, Guru, and Self is:- A) Oneness B) Twoness C) Penpalness D) Just good friends7) Which of the following is not a name of the Lord?> A) Jehova B) Elohim C) Yahweh D) Charlton Heston8) If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get....... A) A Swogi B) A Salami C) Yogurt D) Heartburn9) Carlos Castaneda is: A) A flamenco dancer B) A resort near San Juan C) A mystery D) The guitarist more...