Zoo Jokes / Recent Jokes
A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over. The cop asked the farmer, "Didn't you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?"The farmer replied, "No, I didn't knowed that."The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said, "To Memphis". The cop said, "I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis."So the farmer promised he would. Several days later the cop spotted the farmer with the pig driving down the road and he pulled him over again. The cop said "I thought I told you to take this pig to the zoo when you got to Memphis" and to this the farmer replied "I did and we had so much fun, I'm taking him to the circus."
once there was a zoo and it's main attraction was a gorilla. the gorilla would wave at the passerbys and swing on a rope that hung from a tree branch into his cage. but one day the gorilla died of old age. the zoo didn't know what to do, so they put an ad in the newspaper.
an out of work artist saw the ad. the job would earn him just enough money to pay his rent. so he accepted the job and started work.
the first few days he just waved a little. he was growing accustomed to the itch of the gorilla suit, and so he began to do tricks. he swung on the rope hanging into his cage, higher and higher and higher and the rope snapped and he landed in the lions cage!
he was very nervous and the lion glared at him. then the lion growled and the man started shouting "help me! HELP ME! HELP ME! PLEASE!" the lion pounced on him and said, "shut up! you're gonna get us all fired!"
"What's the difference between the North American porcupine
and the African porcupine," the society matron asked the
zookeeper.
"The principal difference is the North American species has a
longer prick."
This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who
stormed immediately to the zoo manager's office. The zoo
manager said, "Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's unfortunate
choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is the
North American species has a longer *quill*. In fact, their
pricks are just about the same size."
A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lions mouth," the vet told him."How do I do that?" he asked."Carefully," replied the vet.
A young newly married couple inherited a parrot from an aged relative. This parrot was very talkative, and was forever informing visitors as to what went on in the newlyweds' home. One evening, after a very embarrassing comment from the bird, the husband had enough and said to the parrot, "That's it! You will be covered up much earlier in the future, and if you take your cage cover off or embarrass us again, you will be sent to the zoo."
Two days later, the couple was preparing for a short trip, and as usual, the suitcase was too full to close. So the husband said, "I'll get on top and jump up and down and you see if you can get it."
After a bit, the wife said, "This is no good. I'll get on top and you see if you can get it."
This still did not work, and so the husband said, "Tell you what, let's both get on top and bounce up and down. That'll get it."
With this, the parrot pulled off the cage cover and said, "Zoo or no more...
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, but he wasn't very bright. So, the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.
Mike was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to screw the gorilla for five hundred bucks? Mike showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.' First,' he said,' I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, I want nothing to do more...
Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally Elaine talked Jordans reluctant father into taking him. And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left."So how was it?" Elaine asked when they returned home."Great," Little Jordan replied."Did you and your father have a good time?" asked Elaine."Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Jordan, excitedly,"especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"