Zoo Jokes / Recent Jokes

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has a chronic illness, requiring medication. The zoo people couldn't get Calle to take her dose orally, so a California pharmacologist developed a suppository. The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame.

Administering the DAILY medication takes five zoo workers, including one person to distract Calle with treats and one person who wears a full-arm glove.

Why am I telling you this????

Just think -

FIVE people have jobs worse than yours! Now stop bitching and get back to work.

WGASASome years ago, the famous San Diego Zoo opened a second, larger branch called the San Diego Wild Animal Park. The Park is built around an enormous open-field enclosure where the animals roam free. To see the animals, visitors ride on a monorail called the Wgasa Bush Line which circles the enclosure. Here's the true story of how the Wgasa Bush Line got its name.
They wanted to give the monorail a jazzy, African sounding name. So they sent out a memo to a bunch of zoo staffers saying, "What shall we call the monorail at the Wild Animal Park?"
One of the memos came back with "WGASA" written on the bottom.
The planners loved it and the rest is history.
What the planners didn't know was that the zoo staffer had not intended to suggest a name. He was using an acronym which was popular at the time. It stood for "Who Gives A Shit Anyhow?"

You are so fat, your mother has to iron your clothes on the driveway. You’re so stupid you saw a sign that said, ‘wet floor’ so you did. You’re so poor you had to join the army to get a haircut. You’re so ugly, I took you to the zoo and the zookeeper said, “thanks for bringing her back. ” You’re so fat, that when you go to the zoo, the elephants throw you peanuts Your so ugly, that your mama had to feed you with a sling-shot Your family has been on welfare so long, your grandpa’s face is on food stamps.

A man was driving down the road in the country. He looked over and saw a baby pig in the field. He stopped and picked up the pig. He was driving around town with the pig in the car and a cop sees him and pulls him over. Cop says "Hey, What are you doing with that pig in the car?", driver says "Well, I just found the pig beside the road in the field.", cop says" I want you to take that pig to the zoo!" the driver agrees he will take the pig to the zoo. So the next day the cop sees the guy driving around again and pulls him over. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO TAKE THAT PIG TO THE ZOO!!" reply, "Well I did take the pig to the zoo. We had such a good time we are going to the ball game now."

A TIGER escaped from the Delhi zoo and started running along Mathura Road. The zoo staff and police ran after him to capture him. As soon as the tiger reached the Mathura Road bus stop, he saw a Redline bus approaching at a high speed. On seeing it the tiger turned round and ran back towards his own cage and hid inside for fear of another monster!

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies: "I did. . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"