"2001 Darwin Awards" joke

It's that time again... They are finally out again. You all know about the
Darwin Awards - It's an annual honour given to the person who did the gene pool
the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid
way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
And the nominees for 2001 are:
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down,
killing both him and his sister.
A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and
weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white
saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a
schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the
filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end
of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long
and 3" in diameter which was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and
was the cause of his suffocation.
Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family
very awkward.
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and
crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their
ankles.
A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no
details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was
not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch
naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR, she
noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and removed
the man, who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital, the police made a
closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole between
the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered what had caused his
death. Apparently, the man had a habit of putting his penis between the
cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical sanders (with the
sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons).
According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the
sanders, electrocuting him.
A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway
near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have been
remarkable except it appears the driver's attention had been distracted by her
Tamagotchi key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food as she drove
along. In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life,
the woman lost her own.
A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use
octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County
police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps
together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle
at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police
spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found
nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the
distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the
apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake b