"A soldier joke about war games" joke

It was near the end of basic training and all the soldiers were getting ready for the war games.
A private came charging into his Lieutenant's office and said " Lieutenant, I lost my rifle. What am I going to use for the war games?"
"I don't have time to deal with this right now" the lieutenant thought.
He grabbed a broom and handed it to the solder. "Here us this instead."
"How is this going to work?"
"When you see the bad guys coming at you, just point it at them and say 'Bangity Bang Bang'".
So the private ran out with his new "rifle". But soon he came running back to the Lieutenant saying "Lieutenant, I can't find my bayonet!"
The Lieutenant grabbed a pencil off his desk and gave it the private. "When you see the bad guys coming just hold this up and say 'Stabity Stab Stab.'"
So the private was all ready for his war games. He was sitting in his fox hole minding his own business when suddenly the entire opposing force came over the hill marching right on his position. Every one near him ran away in fear, but the private was ready.
He grabbed his broom, pointed it at the bad guys and said "Bangity Bang Bang Bangity Bang Bang" and half of them fell down.
"Wow this really works" thought the private. Let me try my bayonet. So he held up his pencil and said "Stabity Stab Stab Stabity Stab Stab" and the rest of the bad guys fell down except for one very bug guy who just kept right on come. He walked right over the top of the private and just stomped him into the ground.
The private was laying in a heap on the ground and he asked himself what went wrong. "I used the broom and said Bangity Bang Bang and half of the men fell down. Then I used my pencil and said Stabity Stab Stab and the rest of the men fell down except for this one big guy. What did I do wrong?"
Then he heard the big guy mumbling as he walked past him "Tankity Tank Tank Tankity Tank Tank."

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday.

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Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush.

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Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.

Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen.

St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one more...

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Knock knock
whose there?
willy
willy who?
willy he bang me harder?

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A farmer goes to the patent office to patent a peach, and the patent officer says- "you can't patent a peach, the peach has already been patented!"And the farmer says, "Oh no. Not THIS kind of peach. Go ahead, try it!" So the patent officer takes a bite, and more...

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