"An Americanized Look At India" joke

Here are a few things that could happen:
Mohini Devi, a housewife from Bihar sues PM for 1 Crore Rupees for sexually molesting her. She alleges that during his election campaign in Punjab he made overtures and advances of indecent nature - he kept saying "Hame karna hai!" Reports say she is open to an out of the court settlement.
J H Patel says India should reduce the number of visas issued to' aliens'. Demands cut in the number of American engineers being admitted into the country says the whites ('Caucasian-Indians') are' stealing' away the local jobs.
Sports: Bombay' Bombers' beat Madras' Sambars' 3 - 0 in a 5 game cricket tournament. Sachin Tendulkar says he wont be playing for Bombers from next season, as the Bihar' Lalloos' have offered him 50 lakh more to play for them.
Tonight on Zee TV: Kabaddi world series live! over 4 countries from around the world participating in his fast-becoming popular sport. Last time - runner ups Germany looking to beat current champions Bangladesh. (as usual, India is nowhere in the picture!)
Fringe: Woman sues fast food restaurant chain TFC (Tandoori Fried Chicken) because the' Chai' served to her was so hot that she burnt her lips.
Techno: Shiv Nadar says his company's' Khidkiyan 98' operating system could become the de facto standard, beating Microsoft's Windows operating system, since it is a copy of a more advanced Macintosh OS.
India deports 250' American - Indian' illegal aliens after they are found working in a saree manufacturing sweat shop in Dharavi.
Hurricane "Bawandar" expected to lash the Andhra coast around 1300 hrs IDT. Watch minute by minute progress live on Doordarshan.
Amidst much controversy the Desi Gay Activists open a gay bar in calcutta called "Bar-Bar"
San Francisco: Protesters demanded the shut down of fast food chain' Udupi' which was becoming immensely popular with the younger generation. "Its not just the food" says Martha Smith, a housewife, "its the lifestyle that our children adopt with it - wearing lungis, listening to Karnatic music, lighting lamps and firecrackers on Halloween!".