"By Barbara Florio GrahamFrom McCall" joke

By Barbara Florio GrahamFrom McCall's, June, 1983I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I've found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve him, I've found out what it is that keeps him thin: He thinks differently. The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people: avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy; split a large combination pizza with three friends; think Oreo cookies are for kids; nibble cashews one at a time; think that doughnuts are indigestible; read books they have to hold with both hands; become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch; fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips; counteract the midafternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish; exchange the deep-fryer they received for Christmas for a clock-radio; lose their appetites when they're depressed; think chocolate Easter bunnies are for kids; save leftovers that are too skimpy to use for another meal in order to make interesting soups; throw out stale potato chips; will eat only Swiss or Dutch chocolate, which cannot be found except in a special store; think it's too much trouble to stop at a special store just to buy chocolate; don't celebrate with a hot-fudge sundae every time they lose a pound; warm up after skiing with black coffee instead of hot chocolate and whipped cream; try all the salads at the buffet, leaving room for only one dessert; find iced tea more refreshing than an ice-cream soda; get into such interesting conversations at cocktail parties that they never quite work their way over to the hors-d'oeuvre table; have no compulsion to keep the candy dish symmetrical by reducing the jelly beans to an equal number of each color; think that topping brownies with ice cream makes too rich a dessert; bring four cookies into the TV room instead of a box; think banana splits are for kids.

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