"Celebrity Report" joke

Madonna Update:

Madonna told an interviewer that, in Chichewa, the language of Malawi, the word “Madonna” means “distinguished white lady.” Which is funny because, in English, Madonna means “pretentious white lady from Detroit who speaks in an inexplicable British accent.”

Madonna was on Oprah to defend her controversial adoption of a young African boy. She’s really getting crucified. Oh yeah, that’s her act.

When they air her concert, NBC will not show Madonna suspended from a giant cross and wearing a crown of thorns so as not to anger Christian groups. She was going to wear a turban with a bomb in it, but for some reason they vetoed that too.

The father of the African boy Madonna hopes to adopt says he's worried she’ll back out of the adoption because activist groups are giving her such a hard time. He now says the adoption will rescue his son from illness and starvation. Maybe Madonna should adopt Nicole Richie.

Other Celebrity News:

In his first public comments on their acrimonious split, Paul McCartney says he wants to maintain a "certain dignity" over his divorce from Heather Mills. In response, Mills issued a statement saying she’s going to beat him over the head with her fake leg.

Mel Gibson was awarded the Latino Business Association's Chairman's Visionary Award – either for his new movie about the Aztec empire or because he’s a big consumer of tequila.

According to Forbes magazine, grunge rocker Kurt Cobain is the top grossing dead celebrity, pulling in $50 million over the past year. Which should just about cover Courtney Love’s rehab bills.