"Computer Problem Questionnaire" joke

Describe your problem.

Now, describe the problem accurately.

Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem.

Is your computer plugged in?

Is it turned on?

Have you tried to fix it yourself?

Have you made it worse?

Have you read the manual?

Are you sure you've read the manual?

Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual?

Do you think you understood it?

If' Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?

What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?

If' nothing' then explain why you were logged in.

Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem?

Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem?

Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me?