"Drugstore Diagnostic Computer" joke
Jim and Al are having lunch when Al says, "My elbow sure hurts. I guess I'd better go see the doctor."
"No, don't do that," Jim says. "There's no need to spend all that money. The corner drugstore has a new diagnostic computer. It's much quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you need to do is give it a urine sample, deposit ten bucks and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it."
Figuring he doesn't have anything to lose, Al takes a urine sample to the drugstore. He finds the computer, deposits his ten bucks and pours his urine sample into the slot. A few moments later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice daily and avoid heavy labor. It will improve in a couple of weeks.
That evening, while Al was thinking about how amazing this new technology was, he was also wondering whether the computer could be fooled. Deciding to give it a test, he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughte and, just for good measure, masturbated into the mixture.
Hurrying back to the drugstore, he deposits his ten bucks and pours his concoction into the machine. After a few seconds, the computer ejects the printout:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has worms. Take him to the vet.
Your daughter uses drugs. Get her into rehab.
Your wife is pregnant. The baby is not yours. Get a lawyer.
Stop playing with yourself or your elbow will never get better.
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