Printout Jokes

A man with stomach trouble wanted to try the newly introduced automated diagnosis machine at the shopping centre. He inserted his credit card an a urine sample as instructed, waited 30 seconds and then read the printout: "You have a tennis elbow".
The man was impressed, but at the same time annoyed as his arms were perfectly alright. He decided really to put the machine to the test, so he went home and collected urine samples from his wife and his cat, and for good measure added the contents of a used condom.
He returned to the machine, inserted his credit card and the combined sample.
After 30 seconds the printout read: "Your cat is going to have kittens, your wife is perfectly healthy, but you should quit masturbating when you have a tennis elbow."

A man with stomach trouble wanted to try the newly introduced automated diagnosis machine at the shopping centre. He inserted his credit card an a urine sample as instructed, waited 30 seconds and then read the printout: "You have a tennis elbow". The man was impressed, but at the same time annoyed as his arms were perfectly alright. He decided really to put the machine to the test, so he went home and collected urine samples from his wife and his cat, and for good measure added the contents of a used condom. He returned to the machine, inserted his credit card and the combined sample. After 30 seconds the printout read: "Your cat is going to have kittens, your wife is perfectly healthy, but you should quit masturbating when you have a tennis elbow."

A man with stomach trouble wanted to try the newly introduced automated diagnosis machine at the shopping centre. He inserted his credit card an a urine sample as instructed, waited 30 seconds and then read the printout: "You have a tennis elbow".
The man was impressed, but at the same time annoyed as his arms were perfectly alright. He decided really to put the machine to the test, so he went home and collected urine samples from his wife and his cat, and for good measure added the contents of a used condom.
He returned to the machine, inserted his credit card and the combined sample.
After 30 seconds the printout read: "Your cat is going to have kittens, your wife is perfectly healthy, but you should quit masturbating when you have a tennis elbow."

Jim and Al are having lunch when Al says, "My elbow sure hurts. I guess I'd better go see the doctor."
"No, don't do that," Jim says. "There's no need to spend all that money. The corner drugstore has a new diagnostic computer. It's much quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you need to do is give it a urine sample, deposit ten bucks and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it."
Figuring he doesn't have anything to lose, Al takes a urine sample to the drugstore. He finds the computer, deposits his ten bucks and pours his urine sample into the slot. A few moments later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice daily and avoid heavy labor. It will improve in a couple of weeks.
That evening, while Al was thinking about how amazing this new technology was, he was also wondering whether the computer could be fooled. Deciding to give it a test, he mixed together some tap water, more...