"Excuses" joke

Some of the more interesting excuses seen in the principal’s office.
Unedited.
----------–
1– MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR’S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
2– PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT
3– DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC’s JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN 28, 29, 30, 31, 32
AND ALSO 33.
4–PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.
5–PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P. E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A
TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.
6–JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.
7–CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT
IN THE GROWING PART.
8–MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY
CLOSE VEINS.
9–CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.
10–PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.
11–PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE) (DYREA)
(DIREATHE), THE SHITS.
12–PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS
BOOTS LEAK.
13–IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.
14–PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER’S FAULT.
15–I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE DON’T
KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.
16–PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY WE FORGOT TO GET THE
SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT WAS
SUNDAY.
17–MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A
WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES.
18–PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT
BREED WELL.
19–PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.
20–GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.
21–PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.
22–MARILYN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT,
HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AND SORE THROAT,
HER BROTHER HAD A GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN’T THE BEST EITHER,
SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN
GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.
-NOW WE KNOW WHY PARENTS ARE SCREAMING FOR BETTER EDUCATION FOR OUR KIDS.