"Famous Beer Quotes!" joke
Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years...I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in themorning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.-Frank SinatraThe problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.-William Butler YeatsAn intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.-Ernest HemingwayAlways do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.-Ernest HemingwayYou're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.-Dean MartinDrunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.-AnonymousNo animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.-G.K. ChestertonTime is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.-Catherine ZandonellaAbstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.-Ambrose BierceReality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.-AnonymousDrinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.- Ross LevyA woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency tothank her.What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?-W.C. FieldsBeauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.-AnonymousIf God had intended us to drinkbeer, He would have given us stomachs.-David DayeWork is the curse of the drinking classes.-Oscar WildeWhen I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.-Henny YoungmanLife is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.-Michelle MastrolacasaI'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.-Tom Waits24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?-Stephen WrightWhen we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...-Brian O'RourkeYou can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - ithelps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.-Frank ZappaAlways remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcoholhas taken out of me.-Winston ChurchillHe was a wise man who invented beer.-PlatoBeer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.-Benjamin FranklinIf you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.-Deep Thought, Jack HandyWithout question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.-Dave BarryThe problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.-Humphrey BogartWhy is Australian beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.-David MoultonGive me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.-Kaiser WilhelmI would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.-Homer SimpsonNot all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen andoxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vitalingredient in beer.I drink to make other people interesting.-George Jean NathanAll right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.-Homer Simpson
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